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Band 5.5

The recent popularity of online shopping will result in the end of high street shops. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#popularity #street #shops
With the advent of the Internet and social media networks, online shopping
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 more popular
between
Change preposition
among
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 people.
Although
 some feel that
this
 trend
causes
Wrong verb form
is causing
show examples
 the end of high
street
shops
, I,
however
, believe that high
street
shops
 are still popular
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 people in three main areas.  
Firstly
, with shopping from traditional
shops
, the instant accessibility to purchased items is much better.
While
 I concede that ordering from home is more comfortable than going to a shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, the problem is that buying from online
shops
 makes you worried about when it will be delivered to you. Another factor is online retailers are not actually cheaper than traditional
shops
. Many supporters of online shopping claim that online
shops
 sell their goods cheaper than
street
shops
. 
However
, I would argue that when you have added the cost of shipping, there is often very little difference in price between the two.  
Finally
, online
shops
 can never offer you the same experience as
shops
 give
to
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apply
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you. When you buy online, you have to rely on the accuracy of either a written description or a photo to make your purchasing choice. Obviously,
this
 cannot compare to the experience of entering a shop and physically seeing and touching  the product.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 you buy a T-shirt from an online shop, but
this
 T-shirt doesn’t fit you and the online shop isn’t responsible for
this
 situation,
while
 in
shops
, you can wear T-shirts
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
size
Fix the agreement mistake
sizes
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 to find the best one for yourself.   In conclusion, the fact that
street
shops
 are no more expensive than their online equivalents, and they offer a better in-shop experience means I believe that they are in no danger of disappearing soon.
Submitted by mohamadhoseinvaeedi on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay further, consider addressing potential counterarguments or limitations of your points more explicitly. This can show a more balanced perspective and strengthen your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
In the main body paragraphs, try to use more transitional phrases or linking words to smoothly guide the reader from one idea or paragraph to the next. This will improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction efficiently sets up the essay, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
Each paragraph effectively supports the main argument with relevant examples, making your position stronger.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion in a concise manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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