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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows how people buy music. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graph below shows how people buy music. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#people #music #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided line graph depicts the purchase of various sorts of music from 2011 to 2018 years. Units are measured in fractions. Proportion. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at the beginning of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 period
streams
Use synonyms
 were the least popular kind of music,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 the situation drastically changed, in at the end of the
designed
Replace the word
design
show examples
 span
this
Linking Words
 product became the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 one for consumers.
Linking Words
Whereas
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Meanwhile,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
preferences of
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
customers for CD
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 and downloads steadily declined. In 2011 the proportion of
CD
Fix the agreement mistake
CDs
show examples
 purchased was
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
peak
Add an article
the peak
show examples
 of popularity and reached above 50
percents
Change the noun form
percent
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 downloads stayed roughly at 35 and
streams
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
represented / constituted a tiny fraction.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, Downloaded music steadily increased by 2014 and reached roughly (about/approximately ) 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, from
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2015 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
unexpected
Correct article usage
an unexpected
show examples
 decline( % / numbers?????) till
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2018. Indices of
streams
Use synonyms
 and purchased CDs changed steadily (do not repeat the same
words=
Correct your spelling
words
steadily =moderately )but
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 opposite sides, when
streams
Use synonyms
 went upwards and reached above 40 portions per cent CDs declined and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
 period reached the point near the quarter. Accounting for a quarter.
Submitted by nairaaliyarova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words streams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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