Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on every day matters (such as foods, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people beleive that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

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Although
It is argued by some individuals that if
parents
let their
children
decide on their issues, it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lead to having selfish individuals in the community in the future, some believe that making
decisions
is very significant for
children
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
should be taken more into consideration. Decision making is as vital as other skills which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
essential for kids which should be taught by
parents
as well as
schools regarding the matters they face daily in their life,
however
, some people are opposed to
this
idea claiming that
ont
Correct your spelling
not
only is not it beneficial for the
children
to learn how to make
decisions
, but
also
it will have a
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
impact in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
by treating selfish individuals. We can take food, clothes, and entertainment as salient
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
of
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
affairs which should be made by
children
`s own ideas as
parents
must know the fact that
children
want to have a notable
charactristric
Correct your spelling
characteristic
characteristics
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Having known about it earlier, they would have encouraged their kids to be taught
step by step
Add a hyphen
step-by-step
show examples
how to make
decisions
in their lives.
However
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
another group including me who do not think so as they believe that the more experience
children
have
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
from the early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, the better
decisions
they can make in the future and the more successful people they will become in their occupations.
Additionally
, they might have a better insight into issues
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
be encountered by them in the foreseeable future.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it will remove their stress
knowing
Change preposition
by knowing
show examples
how to behave in various situations contributing to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
their self-esteem and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
them
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
head and shoulders above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. In conclusion, it would be absurd if
parents
turn
Wrong verb form
turned
show examples
a blind eye to
this
key issue by neglecting their
children
`s entitlement to be able to decide about their own affairs. As far as I
experrienced
Correct your spelling
experience
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
topic, I am definitely
advocate
Add an article
an advocate
show examples
of the latter group as all
related
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
aspects related to
this
matter have been considered under
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain circumstances.
Submitted by ieltsacademic77 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is a need for clearer transitions between paragraphs to further reinforce the logical structure.
task achievement
The task response demonstrates a complete understanding of the topic, yet some ideas need more detailed explanation and elaboration with specific examples.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are well-supported with relevant examples or more detailed arguments to increase depth.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the two viewpoints and your stance on the issue.
logical structure
The essay maintains an overall logical progression of ideas, supporting your argument effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively reiterates your position and summarizes the main points discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • self-expression
  • individualism
  • self-centeredness
  • decision-making
  • responsibility
  • consequences
  • empathy
  • independent
  • confident
  • considerate
  • authoritative
  • societal harmony
  • innovation
  • communal values
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