IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Fast food is becoming one part of life everywhere, this has bad effects on our lifestyle and diet. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#food #part #life #effects #lifestyle #diet
There is no denying the fact that fast
food
 recently become a major phenomenon in our society.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that had a miserable impact on our generation , there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider
that is
 a significant part of our healthy lifestyle ,
as well as
 the fast
food
 is widespread in our community.
To begin
 with, there are a lot of
people
 who have never eaten the fastest foods.
In other words
, they were notable that their mental and physical health is outstanding
due to
 their ability to make their own dishes in a healthier way.
In addition
,the majority of
people
 on social media are doing well with publishing their recipes
instead
 of ordering the restaurants , at the same time they enhance the idea of cocking by using healthy
food
.
For example
, is there a study, representing the potential impacts of eating fast
food
such
 as a decline in the ability to concentrate on education and other aspects of life
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Another point to consider is that definitely has an enormous effect of own body. It is
also
 possible to say that fast
food
 makes you feel dizzy and tired all the time.
In contrast
, the healthy
food
 gives you more energy.
Moreover
, plenty of
people
 think fast
food
 once a week is appropriate for their needs
however
, it has become perhaps 3000 calories and that's not healthy.
For instance
, all doctors elaborate on the needs of calories in our bodies ,for younger approximately 1300 calories at least. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that eating healthy
food
 should be a priority thing for everyone and I fully agree with the idea that eating fast
food
 is a bad habit for our society.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

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task achievement
Ensure your arguments are thoroughly developed with sufficient evidence and detailed examples to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition to maintain reader engagement and provide diverse vocabulary for better readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion that outlines your stance effectively.
task achievement
You have acknowledged opposing views, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proliferation
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Caloric intake
  • Addictive
  • Nutritional deficit
  • Culinary traditions
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Immediate gratification
  • Lifestyle diseases
  • Homogenization
  • Processed foods
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