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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full time or part time.
#men #women #education #britain #three #periods #time #part
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The bar chart illustrates
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 information for each two genders in Britain for the 1970/71, 1980/81 and 1990/91 periods. The diagram
also
Linking Words
 shows information about
education
Use synonyms
 types like full-time or part-time.
Overall
Linking Words
,the number of students who selected full-time
education
Use synonyms
 increased for both men and women between 1970 and 1991.
And
Correct word choice
Also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the number of female
student's
Change noun form
students
show examples
 who prefer part-time
education
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 an upward trend
while
Linking Words
 the men fluctuated.
Firstly
Linking Words
, The number of males that prefer part-time
education
Use synonyms
 is top in 1970/71
then
Linking Words
 it decreased in 1980/181 and rose again in 1990/91 to 900. For full-time
Use synonyms
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
 the graphics rose steadily and peaked in 1990/91 with almost 250 students For full-time
education
Use synonyms
, the graphics
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 similar to the females. But full-time
education
Use synonyms
 preference was slightly rose from 1970/71 to 1990/91 and peaked in 1990/91 with almost 1150 female students.
Submitted by e.yildizhundur on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words education with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • further education
  • full-time study
  • part-time study
  • trend
  • overall number
  • time period
  • gender differences
  • increase
  • decrease
  • analyze
  • evaluate
  • societal changes
  • economic factors
  • educational policies
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