Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion
These days it is easily apparent that technology is facing some developments and it is becoming widely in use in many activities
such
as shopping, advertising and communicating. This
process has changed many lives
and it has made it easier for some people
, whereas
some people
disagree with this
thesis. This
essay is going to discuss both positive and negative views.
On the one hand, on negative
side, what makes Add an article
the negative
people
say that shopping by technology has become easier is that younger generations and also
middle-aged people
can learn fast and soon become adapted by
the sequences. Change preposition
to
However
, elder
Change preposition
in elder
people
, because of aging
their Change the spelling
ageing
brain-cells
function, Correct your spelling
brain-cell
are
not as same as Correct subject-verb agreement
is
their
younger days. Change preposition
in their
Consequently
, their learning process is slower. Furthermore
, the
Change the word
their
lives
are moving forward this
way so they are in too much
difficulties Change the quantifier
many
instead
of chilling and enjoying their peace. All in all, they cannot work with online shops well.
On the other hand
, the aspects of this
changes are seen in many Correct determiner usage
these
people
’s daily lives
. To be more specific, teenagers do buy their clothes or their shoes or some products from some online shops on Instagram or sites such
as “Amazon.com”. In addition
, for the adults who are in some situations which don’t have the time to go in the
person, those who have some disabilities and aren’t able to leave their house, or is difficult for them, these developments helped them to do it by themselves and don’t be in need of anyone’s help.
In conclusion, there are both positive and negative comments on Correct article usage
apply
this
thesis statement. Over and above that, merits
of these changes outweigh the downfalls. So, Correct article usage
the merits
beside
the Replace the word
besides
elders
it is a big help to other Add a comma
elders,
community
. If I want to side with any points of view, I would say Fix the agreement mistake
communities
lives
have become undemanding by the use of technology.Submitted by TUTOO on
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coherence cohesion
Work on creating more logical transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This will help your ideas connect more smoothly and improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Try to clearly address the specific aspects of technology that make shopping easier or harder for different groups of people. This will help clarify your position and achievements in task response.
task achievement
While you have relevant examples, further development of these examples with more specific details can enhance your task response score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, which helps frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response by discussing both sides of the debate and offering a personal opinion.
task achievement
Examples about technology use in shopping, such as mentioning Instagram or Amazon, are specific and relevant to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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