Some people are of the view that only university education can ensure success, whereas many others oppose this view. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #education #success

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It is often argued that the only path to prosperity is through academia. Whilst

this

is a very popular notion, I am completely set against it. In

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will express my reasons in the impending paragraphs.

To begin

with, there are numerous reasons for that. Primarily, in

this

economy you do not necessarily have to have a university degree to win a

job

oppurtunity

Correct your spelling

opportunity

. If you look at different groups of people in

thid

Correct your spelling

this

society, it is absolutely evident that successful people come from all walks of life.

For instance

, the former president

Change preposition

show examples

my country had only finished

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elementary education. What is more, the owners of big companies

such

as Apple or Tesla can be mentioned who do not have high academic accomplishments. Ultimately, it is possible to be qualified for a

job

with other kinds of qualifications or working experience.

Further

, it is noteworthy that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

employers prioritize experiences and soft skills to educational background in a person’s resume.

For instance

, I myself had the same experience. I had been trying to find a suitable

job

for months but the

recruitors

Correct your spelling

recruiters

recruiter

kept rejecting me.

Then

I put some time

learning

Change preposition

into learning

show examples

some practical skills and the result was much more satisfying.

This

is rational as employers look for staff that are handy and useful and are able to adjust themselves quickly in a working atmosphere.

To conclude

, unlike what many believe, education is not the only way to become successful. It is

due to

the fact that practical skills take precedence and it is not essential to have a degree in order to find a

job

these days anymore.

Submitted by ad8334480 on Sun Oct 13 2024

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task achievement

Ensure the essay fully addresses both view points equally before presenting your own opinion, giving a balanced perspective.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen the conclusion by restating both sides of the argument briefly alongside your own view.

language

Pay attention to small language inaccuracies, such as spelling mistakes ('oppurtunity' should be 'opportunity') and use of 'recruiters' instead of 'recruitors'.

coherence cohesion

The introduction successfully sets the stage for the essay and clearly states your position, providing a good start to your discussion.

task achievement

The essay provides solid examples to support your views, such as referencing well-known company owners and personal experiences with job search, enhancing task achievement.

coherence cohesion

Good use of transitional terms and phrases, like 'To begin with', 'Primarily', and 'Further', helps maintain a logical flow and coherence.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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