Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is
sometime
argued that the Replace the word
sometimes
government
is wasting money on the arts
and this
money could be better spent elsewhere
. I mostly disagree with this
claim because art contributes to cultural and education
enrichment and economic growth from tourism and art dealing . Replace the word
educational
Firstly
, the arts
play a significant role in education and personal development
. According to
some studies, engagement in artistic activities, such
us
music, painting and drama enhance creativity, critical thinking and emotional intelligence. By investing in the Correct your spelling
as
arts
, government
is investing in the Add an article
the government
development
of their
people as well. Correct pronoun usage
its
Although
the government
has a limited budget, so
it is Correct word choice
apply
also
important to utilize the budget for infrastructure and healthcare. However
, Cutting funding for the arts
risks neglecting these aspects of human development
, which are essential for creating innovative individuals. Additionally
, the arts
contribute to the economy. The art industry generate
employment, Change the verb form
generates
Correct word choice
and attract
attract
tourism, which brings in revenue to the country. Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
For instance
, cities with rich culture
scenes like Paris often become tourist hotspots, boosting local business and creating economic growth. Replace the word
cultural
Furthermore
, funding arts
helps to preserve the county's
history and culture. Without public funding, many artistic institutions, Correct your spelling
country's
such
as museums, galleries and theaters
might not Change the spelling
theatres
able
to survive. And future generations will Add a missing verb
be able
nor
be able to see those articles institutions. Correct your spelling
not
therefore
, funding the arts
is not a waste but an investment in economic development
and protection for arts
, In Correct article usage
the arts
conclusion
that Add the comma(s)
conclusion,
while
it is important to allocate government
resources to essential services like healthcare and infrastructure, the arts
also
deserve public funding due to
their educational and economic benefits, Hence
, I largely disagree with the view that investing arts
is a waste.Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy. For instance, "such us" should be "such as" and "the art industry generate employment" should be "the art industry generates employment."
coherence
Try to ensure all paragraphs flow smoothly. For example, your transition from discussing education to discussing the economy could be more clearly linked.
introduction conclusion
You provide a strong introduction and a well-rounded conclusion that clearly express your stance on the issue.
examples
You give relevant and specific examples that support your points, such as mentioning the economic benefits of arts in cities like Paris.
task achievement
Your response effectively covers multiple aspects of the issue, supporting your disagreement with the notion that government spending on arts is wasteful.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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