IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

the chart below shoes yje changes that took place in three different areas of crime in newport city center from 2003 to 2012

#shoes #yje #changes #place #three #areas #crime #newport #city #center
The chart presents the
diffrences
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
incidents
 in
newport
Change the capitalization
Newport
show examples
 city categorized by type of crime (
bulglary
Correct your spelling
burglary
, car theft and robbery) throughout 10 years
period
 - from 2003 to 2012.
Overall
, the burglary rate saw
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
show examples
 through the
10 years
Correct your spelling
10-year
period
while
 the rates of car theft and robbery
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable over the same
period
.
Although
 the number of
burglary happened
Wrong verb form
burglaries
show examples
 increased by 500
incidents
 from 2003 to 2004, it dropped sharply. form 3800
incidents
 in 2003 to 1200
incidents
 in 2008.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, it remained steady for around 1400 for the rest of the
period
.
According to
 the data, The robbery rates showed a
period
 of
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 fluctuation
betwere
Correct your spelling
between
 500
incidents
 to 800
incidents
. reaching the lower number of
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 at 500
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 in 2008. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of Car theft,
this
 Figure remained Constant from 2003 to 2005
fro
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 around 3800
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
,
then
 it decreased by 600
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 in 2006,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
this
 drop it increased
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 reaching 2700
incidant
Correct your spelling
incidents
 in 2012.
Submitted by elafalgarni on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure smoother transition between paragraphs and ideas. Consider using linking words such as 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Consequently'. This will make your essay flow more smoothly and improve readability.
Language Accuracy
Some spelling and grammatical errors were noted. Pay attention to spelling accuracy (e.g., 'differences', 'burglary', 'remained', 'steadily') and verb forms. Reading aloud can help catch errors.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to include a concluding statement that summarizes the main trends discussed in the essay. It need not be lengthy, but should encapsulate the key points for better closure.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and summarizes the overall trends observed in the data. This sets a good foundation for the discussion.
Task Achievement
The essay responds to the task appropriately by covering all three types of crime and mentioning the changes over the entire period.
Task Achievement
Data is used to support the main points, and each crime type is discussed separately, which provides clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: