Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
#childood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsilbility #students #amount #exercise
In
Australia
one of the emerging Add a comma
Australia,
problem
is childhood obesity, where almost more than 67% Change to a plural noun
problems
infants
are now overweight. I certainly agree with Change preposition
of infants
the
many people, Correct article usage
apply
where
Correct word choice
who
they
think that educational institutions have a duty to regulate their eating habits Correct pronoun usage
apply
as well as
their
Change the word
the
timing
spent on physical education.
Replace the word
time
To begin
with, one of the main reasons of
Change preposition
for
increasing
body mass index (BMI) value among the pupils in Correct article usage
the increasing
this
modern word
is Correct your spelling
world
due to
unconsciousness by most of the family members. As students
have the tendency to obey most of
school norms and regulations, Change preposition
apply
so
teachers should Correct word choice
apply
bound
them Wrong verb form
bind
by
a diet chart Change preposition
with
for
Change preposition
apply
each
, which will enable Correct pronoun usage
apply
themselves
to control their weight. Correct pronoun usage
them
For instance
, a
recent study conducted in 80 army children schools, where it Change preposition
in a
was
found that above 87 Unnecessary verb
apply
percentage
Correct your spelling
per cent of
childrens
BMI values were in Correct your spelling
children's
children
right
positions, Correct article usage
the right
may
be Correct pronoun usage
which may
due to
some strict regulations.
Moreover
, schools is
the only place Change the verb form
are
students
get motivations
not only from their teachers but Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
also
from their classmates. If one pupil control
Change the verb form
controls
him
/her diet, another will Correct pronoun usage
his
definately
try to follow him/her. Correct your spelling
definitely
For example
, it is common in
Bengali Change preposition
for
students
to attend in
Change preposition
apply
the
gym sessions following his/her batchmates. Correct article usage
apply
However
, school authority
should create a monitoring sheet, it can be both online or offline, to collect data on a regular basis adding Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
BMI
calculator Correct article usage
a BMI
on
Change preposition
apply
that
so that any can easily understand what to do to control themselves. Correct pronoun usage
apply
In addition
, it is the best place to suggest diet
Correct article usage
a diet
chart
and it is Fix the agreement mistake
charts
also
possible to offer courses how
to keep fit Change preposition
on how
their
body.
In conclusion, to get quality Change preposition
in their
students
, as it is related to found
Wrong verb form
finding
best
quality graduates, Correct article usage
the best
by
the school management body, it is necessary to give attention to Change preposition
apply
students
health. Change noun form
students'
student's
For
this
reason, they should offer free gymnesium
, courses Correct your spelling
gymnasium
as well as
bound
themselves in some laws.Wrong verb form
bind
Submitted by zobaermasum12 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces the issue and provides a conclusion; however, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to clarify your main points and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. Your essay provides some relevant examples, but expanding on these with more detail would enhance your argument.
task achievement
While your main ideas are relevant, working on stating them more clearly and logically will improve clarity.
task achievement
Your essay opens with a clear statement of agreement, setting the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
You include a relevant statistic to underscore the seriousness of the obesity issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and contribute effectively to the essay's structure.
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