You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? You should write at least 254 words.
Nowadays media covers many things that are happening with famous
people
in wrong
way, many Add an article
the wrong
a wrong
people
believe it has a negative affect
on young Correct your spelling
effect
people
. This
essay completely agrees with the statement and will give a reasonable conclusion.
There are two vital effects which can affect youngsters.
To commence, when celebrities or news are covered, they make children focus more on social media instead
of their studies and
. Students Correct word choice
apply
are
become obsessed with everything famous Unnecessary verb
apply
people
do, they watch every post in every app they use and they turn the notification
on so they don't be late for their posts. Fix the agreement mistake
notifications
Consequently
, students be
absent Wrong verb form
are
for
Change preposition
from
their
school, do not study for their exams and neglect their assignments. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For instance
, teenagers who like Taylor Swift signer are waiting for her song
to drop at 9 AM, Fix the agreement mistake
songs
instead
of going to school and listen
to the song after coming back they Wrong verb form
listening
chose
to be absent so they can enjoy it on time.
Wrong verb form
choose
In addition
, children can spend a large amount of money to be like their loved ones. They buy from celebrities brand even if the item does not suits
them, and Change the verb form
suit
buying
everything the famous person Wrong verb form
buy
have
. Change the verb form
has
This
put
Wrong verb form
puts
a
pressure on parents who trying to make their kids happy. they Remove the article
apply
are
Change the verb form
are also worn
are also wearing
also
wear like those stars and make hair cuts like them and match their act. This
effect
their mental health in Correct your spelling
affects
not
noted way. Add an article
a not
For example
, kids are being lonely because of overuse
of technology Correct article usage
the overuse
while
they are watching all thing
happen in Fix the agreement mistake
things
media
.
In conclusion, parents should be aware of the Correct article usage
the media
affects
Replace the word
effects
of
what celebrities can Change preposition
apply
drag
their children, it Verb problem
have on
is impact
Wrong verb form
impacts
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
on
lifetimes and daily tasks. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, making them to be
Verb problem
apply
overspending
and Replace the word
overspend
destroy
their healthcare. Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
A good
knowledge Correct article usage
Good
protect
kids from many harms.Change the verb form
protects
Submitted by danall1kat on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider organizing ideas more clearly and logically. For example, present each main idea in a separate paragraph and provide clear transitions between ideas. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate further on your ideas to make them clearer and more comprehensive. This can involve adding more specific explanations or reasoning behind each point you make.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph fully supports your main points and is well-connected to your thesis statement. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear stance and conclusion on the topic, which shows a strong attempt at addressing the task response.
Task Achievement
Examples given, such as references to Taylor Swift, help illustrate your points and make the essay more engaging.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example