IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think yhat the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefil. discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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The main advantage of international
cooperation
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 is a topic
sparks
Correct pronoun usage
that sparks
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 debate, with some advocating environmental
protection
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has
Correct your spelling
as
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 mainly
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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,
while
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 others view it as not more beneficial rather than
businesses
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. In
this
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 essay, I would like to examine both perspectives. On the one hand, proponents argue that environmental
protection
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 is an essential subject for nations to achieve a world
that is
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 greener and has healthier air. These days, especially in developing
countries
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 have an increased trend of inhabitants, which is equal to the amount of transportation needed and energy. In consequence, there are a lot of traditional fuel sources
such
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 as coal and petrol that produce worse emissions and impact the air and forests.
Moreover
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, environmental sustainability plays a vital role in
countries
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 to prepare their descendants for the betterment of life.
On the other hand
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, there are those who believe that the
protection
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 of the environment should not be considered an essential subject in international
cooperation
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. They argue that
businesses
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 should take precedence in international
cooperation
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. Strengthening economies and mutual
businesses
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 have undeniable impacts on
countries
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.
As a result
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, good facilities and enhanced technology are developed in a nation
such
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 as connecting roads and enhancing telecommunication which have benefits for people to make their life easier. In my opinion, it is impossible to improve the quality of human without environmental
protection
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 and
businesses
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. Societies can discuss, organize, and allocate their funds and make orientation with different
countries
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 as to what the aspect they need.
Thus
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, in
this
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 case, a country’s future cannot
be occur
Change the verb form
be occurred
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 by relying solely on
either
Correct determiner usage
apply
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environmental sustainability and
businesses
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. In conclusion, there is a debate over whether environmental
protection
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 is beneficial for international
cooperation
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 to discuss.
While
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businesses
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also
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 hold undeniable importance, prioritization between each country can be a valuable addition to human life, provided it is integrated thoughtfully.

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grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. For example, 'is a topic sparks debate' should be 'is a topic that sparks debate.'
elaboration
Develop your main points further with more specific examples to illustrate your ideas more effectively.
clarity
Ensure clarity by avoiding ambiguous statements and explaining complex ideas in a straightforward manner.
structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, appropriately structuring the response.
balance
The essay explores both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view of the topic.
evaluation
Attempts to compare and evaluate the importance of both environmental and business outcomes within international cooperation.
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