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Band 5.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
It is argued that
children
 should be taught by their
parents
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
,
while
 others think that the best place to teach
this
 quality is school.
While
parents
 can always acknowledge their kids to be better citizens, I believe that schools are better equipped to do so. On the one hand, modern
children
 obeying their
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 ones
could be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 rarely seen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
This
 is to say that
parents
 on
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 daily basis try to inculcate good habits in their
children
,
along with
 the teachings of becoming respectable members
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
, but kids do not intake those lessons in a serious manner.
For example
, in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 epoch,
children
 being obedient to
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 is a rare scenario.
On the other hand
, an environment built up by schools
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 it convenient for kids to intake the teachings of their lecturers , whether it is to become a decent
society
 member or to be a good person
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
This
 is because, various situations give
children
 practical life lessons, which are difficult to be taught as
such
 at home.
For instance
, most schools have titled moral values as imperative, as they find it to be a skill inculcated in students. I
therefore
 think that
this
 is the better option. In conclusion,
parents
 can undoubtedly
tech
Correct your spelling
teach
show examples
 their
children
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
,
however
, if they want to put it into practice, they should realize that school is the best place
due to
 its environment and resources.
Submitted by sakshisyal2000 on

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task achievement
Add specific examples and data to support your arguments. This can help make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your explanations clearly tie back to the main point. Make sure each paragraph thoroughly supports your stance.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, clearly stating an opinion that is supported by points in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical transition of ideas between paragraphs and sentences maintains coherence throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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