Some people think that governments should change the way individuals live, while others believe they should choose the way themselves. Discuss these both points of view and give your opinion?
Government
is the main center
of any country. They can influence individual Change the spelling
centre
life
easily. Some people
think they should provide some aspects to enhance people
Change noun form
people's
life
such
as education
and food
. While
others think they should not interfere with people
Change noun form
people's
lifestyle
. Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
People
have right
to choose their own choice and future. For me, Correct article usage
the right
government
can provide essential
basis of Add an article
the essential
an essential
life
and still not intervene too much in citizen freedom.
First off, government
has the authority to provide fundamental Add an article
the government
concept
for Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
people
like education
and food
. By giving every person a standard education
children will grow up to be knowledgable and thoughtful. They will have a basic information
on how to live in Remove the article
basic information
a piece of basic information
the
society and the Correct article usage
apply
overall
population will be full of quality adults. Another aspect is food
, government
can regulate food
policy to make the food
more cheaper for people
who are poor. Moreover
, they can influence fast food
or food
that make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
unhealthy to be in control. For example
, by limited
how much each menu can have in calories or Replace the word
limiting
required
them to include Wrong verb form
requiring
healthy
menu on the list Add an article
a healthy
such
as salad. This
will make people
Change noun form
people's
life
more healthy and cost them less money.
However
, some people
think government
should not interfere with people
lifestyle of choice. In democratic Change noun form
people's
societies
Add a comma
societies,
people
have right
to choose what they desire. So, Correct article usage
the right
by
having Change preposition
apply
government
regulate this
basis in life
could lead to people
thinking they are in control rarher
than Correct your spelling
rather
empower
.
Wrong verb form
empowered
Additionally
, giving people
choices can make them form their own personality
. By making them embrace Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
with
countless Change preposition
apply
possibilitys
they will foster personal responsibility and innovation, as Correct your spelling
possibilities
possibility
people
have the freedom to purse
their future and career.
Correct your spelling
pursue
To conclude
, government
have the authority to provide Add an article
the government
basis
in Correct article usage
a basis
life
for citizen
Change the noun form
citizens
such
as education
and food
. they can regulate them to make citizen life
better but they should not intervene too much because it will affect personal
freedom of Correct article usage
the personal
people
and limit their interests and goals.Submitted by krittaphastaishan on
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Content
Ensure a clearer distinction between the two viewpoints in the prompt: one suggesting government intervention and the other emphasizing individual choice. Elaborate on these perspectives in separate paragraphs for a more organized structure.
Content
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as case studies or real-world examples of government policies or individual choice leading to positive outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitional phrases more consistently to ensure smooth progression from one idea to the next. This will enhance the cohesiveness of your writing.
Language
Avoid minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct such issues to improve clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, reflecting a balanced understanding of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written, showcasing a clear understanding of the topic and summarizing the position well.
Content
The essay maintains a consistent level of engagement with the topic and provides a reasonable position on the role of government and individual freedom.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.