IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show changes in Happy Valley Shopping Centre in 1982 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show changes in Happy Valley Shopping Centre in 1982 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #valley #centre #information #features #comparisons
The picture depicts the transformation of Happy Valley Shopping
Centre
 between 1982 and 2012.
Overall
, the data reveals that there was substantial construction in
such
 shopping
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 throughout the period. To commence, in 1982, after the entrance to the building there was a lobby
area
, and a coffee shop was built at the north of the lobby
area
,
while
 the toilets were located
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the southern lobby
area
.
Moreover
,
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the west side of a coffee shop, there was a
food
store
, and the
entertainment
area
 was placed at the south side of the
entertainment
area
, making it at the
centre
 of the building.
Additionally
, next to a
food
store
 was a sports
store
, and beside it there was an electronics
store
 and a furniture
store
 respectively.
In addition
, the lake was placed outside the building.
Conversely
, three decades later, there was considerable development in the Happy Valley Shopping
Centre
.
Firstly
, before the entrance gate, a parking lot was constructed, and the lake was converted into a building’s extension for furniture retail.
Although
 the toilets and an
entertainment
area
 were still at the exact location from 1982, the
food
store
 was relocated to the south-east of
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
area
.
Furthermore
, at the northern of the
food
store
 there were themed restaurants, and following to the west side of it, there was an electronic
store
 and a sports
store
 respectively.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words centre, area, food, store, entertainment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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