IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagrams below show changes in Happy Valley Shopping Centre in 1982 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show changes in Happy Valley Shopping Centre in 1982 and 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #valley #centre #information #features #comparisons
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The picture depicts the transformation of Happy Valley Shopping
Centre
Use synonyms
 between 1982 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the data reveals that there was substantial construction in
such
Linking Words
 shopping
Use synonyms
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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 throughout the period. To commence, in 1982, after the entrance to the building there was a lobby
area
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, and a coffee shop was built at the north of the lobby
area
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,
while
Linking Words
 the toilets were located
at
Change preposition
in
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 the southern lobby
area
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
on
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 the west side of a coffee shop, there was a
food
Use synonyms
store
Use synonyms
, and the
entertainment
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
 was placed at the south side of the
entertainment
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
, making it at the
centre
Use synonyms
 of the building.
Additionally
Linking Words
, next to a
food
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store
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 was a sports
store
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, and beside it there was an electronics
store
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 and a furniture
store
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 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the lake was placed outside the building.
Conversely
Linking Words
, three decades later, there was considerable development in the Happy Valley Shopping
Centre
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, before the entrance gate, a parking lot was constructed, and the lake was converted into a building’s extension for furniture retail.
Although
Linking Words
 the toilets and an
entertainment
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
 were still at the exact location from 1982, the
food
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store
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 was relocated to the south-east of
Use synonyms
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
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area
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, at the northern of the
food
Use synonyms
store
Use synonyms
 there were themed restaurants, and following to the west side of it, there was an electronic
store
Use synonyms
 and a sports
store
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words centre, area, food, store, entertainment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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