These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, the
people
all over the Use synonyms
word
have the opportunity to travel everywhere they want with a huge facility compared to the previous generations.
The possibility to enjoy numerous cultures and the strengthening of relationships between populations are the main advantages Correct your spelling
world
whereas
the lack of satisfaction when youth can’t spend their holidays abroad Linking Words
their
Change preposition
in their
country
and the jump Use synonyms
of
the cost of living in Change preposition
in
touristic
cities are the main disadvantages.
Having the opportunity to discover something new by visiting Replace the word
tourist
an
another Remove the article
apply
country
is definitely a serious advantage that Use synonyms
people
throughout the world can Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
apply
a
benefit from. Indeed, thanks to the development of technology and transport commodities like Correct article usage
apply
aircrafts
, it became easy to move safely from Correct your spelling
aircraft
on
Correct your spelling
one
country
to another one. Continents are no Use synonyms
more
divided and isolated Rephrase
longer
one
from Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
one
other
so, Correct quantifier usage
another
people
can enjoy a multitude of landscapes and a variety of monuments Use synonyms
as well as
different lifestyles Linking Words
in
every edge of the earth. Change preposition
on
In addition
, Linking Words
this
ability has allowed populations to meet and Linking Words
to
share their culture. Fix the infinitive
apply
Hence
, they learnt how to live together in peace, avoiding wars and useless hate for the other. Linking Words
For instance
, a Moroccan citizen who regularly Linking Words
visit
France and Change the verb form
visits
enjoy
the French culture Change the verb form
enjoys
as well as
the build of relationships with Linking Words
Frensh
citizens are likely to make him enjoy Correct your spelling
French
this
Linking Words
country
and forget about historical conflicts.
Visiting a variety of countries may be well, Use synonyms
however
, there is always another side Linking Words
of
the coin. Change preposition
to
This
convenience Linking Words
that is
brought by the development of Linking Words
aeronautic
would make Replace the word
aeronautics
people
feel obliged to travel to another land to get satisfied. In fact, with the development of social Use synonyms
medias
and the brag continuously made through it, some Correct your spelling
media
people
who can’t afford to live Use synonyms
this
experience would feel depressed and under social pressure. Linking Words
In addition
, some cities witnessed a surge in the cost of Linking Words
life
because of the wealthy sightseers who are, usually, more affluent than the locals. The most flagrant example in Morocco is Marrakech city. It became a Replace the word
living
blooming
cityCorrect your spelling
booming
Change preposition
in
last
2 decades, featured with a ridiculous and inappropriate high cost of living.
To summarize, I think that Linking Words
benefits
outweigh the Correct article usage
the benefits
inconvenient
of tourism abroad Replace the word
inconvenience
although
there are some detestations to overcome. Having said that, I definitely believe that travelling is a wonderful experience. Linking Words
Though
, Correct word choice
However
people
who can’t afford Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
this
shouldn’t feel obliged to do it.Linking Words
Submitted by namoisma on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly by using a wider range of linking devices, such as 'furthermore', 'in addition to this', or 'on the other hand'. This will enhance coherence and make transitions between points more seamless.
Task Achievement
When giving examples, ensure that they are directly linked to the point being illustrated, and consider adding a sentence or explanation to clearly connect them to the thesis or main argument of the paragraph.
Task Achievement
Clarify ideas by occasionally summarizing or restating key points to reinforce connections between them, thereby enhancing clarity for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction establishes the topic well, focusing on the context of increased travel opportunities and clearly identifying both advantages and disadvantages of this trend.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of increased tourism, which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly presents a personal opinion, reinforcing the overall argument of the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example