IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A school of thought that
gainning
Correct your spelling
gaining
 profits is
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 for all companies than
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on public
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that
this
Linking Words
 perspective is somewhat
justtifialbe
Correct your spelling
justifiable
justifiably
, I firmly assert that duty to
society
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 worth to pay attraction. On the one hand, it is understandable that making money is essential for
businessses
Correct your spelling
businesses
 with several major benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is
curial
Correct your spelling
crucial
show examples
 to understand that making money
also
Linking Words
benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. When you generate profits and
then
Linking Words
 pay taxes.
Linking Words
AS
Correct your spelling
As
show examples
 a result,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could use that to invest in main fields
such
Linking Words
 as education,
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 and infrastructure,which could help
Add an article
the resident
show examples
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 quality of life
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,that action could
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
show examples
 their production ,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 would be more job
opportunnities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the more
expand
Replace the word
expansion
show examples
 in their production the more number of
labouers
Correct your spelling
labourers
 needed,which leads them to hire more employees and decrease the unemployment rate in their countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are a host of compelling
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 as to why I am convinced that it is
also
Linking Words
 vital for enterprises to take responsibility for
society
Use synonyms
. First and foremost,
generate
Wrong verb form
generating
show examples
 profits may
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 a proportion of
pollution
Use synonyms
propblem
Correct your spelling
problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the enviroment
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
.To be more specific,their result of manufacturing activities
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
pollution
Use synonyms
 in some ways,most typical is air
pollution
Use synonyms
 and water
pollution
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all companies should take
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 for protecting
Correct article usage
the enviroment
show examples
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 by reducing industrial wastewater and
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 eco-friendly materials.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they
also
Linking Words
 could spend a small part of
profit
Add an article
the profit
show examples
 to invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 voluntary work .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
Viet
Correct article usage
the Viet
show examples
 Nam government
Building
Wrong verb form
Built
show examples
 a system that could prevent floor for people in
remote
Add an article
a remote
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 who
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 near
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
 or rivers. In conclusion ,
while
Linking Words
 it is irrefutable that high levels of income play a
pivtoal
Correct your spelling
pivotal
 role in growing business, I would contend that there are compelling
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
 why enterprises should
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 responsibilities towards
society
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can affect the clarity of your argument. For example, 'gaining' instead of 'gainning' and 'importance' instead of 'importance' would improve readability.
Structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to your main thesis. This will improve the logical structure of your essay and help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
Content
Try to provide more specific examples when discussing social responsibilities that companies should take. This would strengthen your argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Content
You presented both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: