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Band 5.5

The chart below shows the expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010.

The chart below shows the expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010.
#expenditure #countries #consumer #goods
The chart illustrates the outlay
of4
Correct your spelling
of
 different
consumer
goods
such
 as
cars
,
computers
,books,perfume and
cameras
 in 2 various countries
France
 and
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 in 2010. One striking feature is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 spent more
money
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
 kinds of
consumer
goods
 than
France
,during the period. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries spent more
money
 on
cars
 than
other
Change the wording
another consumer
other consumers
show examples
consumer
goods
.İf we compared
parfume
Correct your spelling
perfume
 and
cameras
,the least
amount
 of
money
 was spent on
Parfume
 in
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 and
this
 is
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
amount
 of
money
 on
cameras
 in
France
. The
amount
 of
money
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent on books and
computers
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 closer be it
France
 or
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
.
Lastly
,there the most crucial difference in
expense
 be it
France
 or
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 was on
cameras
. In 2010,
people
 in
Uk was
Verb problem
the UK
show examples
 spent
money
 about 450.000 on
cars
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
France
.In
France
,
people
 paid out
money
 about 400.000
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
cars
.In terms of
cars
,both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries'
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 was
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
. The
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
 had higher
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 on
consumer
goods
 than
France
expect
Wrong verb form
expected
show examples
 for
computers
 and
parfume
Correct your spelling
perfume
.
People
 in
France
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent more
money
 than
Uk
,the
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
computers
 and
parfume
Correct your spelling
perfume
 were about 400.000 and 200.000.
On the other hand
,the
amount
 of
money
 paid out on
cameras
 was lower in
France
.
France
 individuals spent
money
 about 150.000 on
cameras
 which is
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
Uk
Correct your spelling
UK
show examples
people
.Individuals in
Uk
 paid
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 300.000
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
cameras
 and it was the most significant difference in
expendeture
Correct your spelling
expenditure
expenditures
 between
Uk
 and
France
 was on
cameras
.
Submitted by ayshanngurbanova on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumer, goods, cars, computers, cameras, france, uk, money, parfume, amount, expense, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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