IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

#minutes #topic #countries #crime #rates
In today's society, some
countries
 are struggling with
the
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rising
crime
rates
, and it is considered that the tendency of high
crime
rates
 is more serious in
the
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developing
countries
.
Overall
, there are several reasons, but I think the high poverty rate and the lack of capacities of the
governments'
Change noun form
government's
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 monitoring system are the main causes. 　First of all, the
crime
rates
 and the poverty
rates
 are statistically
corelated
Correct your spelling
correlated
 because people living
under
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in
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 poor
situation
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situations
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 might steal money, credit cards, or expensive products from
the
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others to survive their lives.
Therefore
, it is often said that
the
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developing
countries
 especially slum areas are dangerous. In order to reduce the
crime
rates
 in less developed
countries
,
the
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governments
 should come up with different approaches and appropriate solutions for
the
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economic growth. 　
Secondly
, the low capacity of the
governments
 to monitor their societies is one of the contributors to deteriorating the safety of the
countries
.
For example
, giving bribes to policies frequently occurs mostly in developing
countries
 and
this
 problem might have been overlooked by the
governments
.
However
, if the country wants to realize
the
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a
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 safe environment, the government should strictly observe these issues and prohibit
the
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bribes by law.
In addition
, illegal
trades
Fix the agreement mistake
trade
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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also
 been raised as
the
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a
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 problem as
the
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globalization has developed. Some people argue that the illegal trades have led to the increase of
the
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crimes, and the government system to legally restrict these trades still needs to improve. 　In conclusion, there is a variety of
the
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reasons causing the high
crime
rates
, but I personally think that the root cause is the absence of
governments'
Correct your spelling
government's
show examples
 capacity to handle the issues. The
governments
 have to establish
strong
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a strong
show examples
, organized monitoring structure
,
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 if they desire to realize
the
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a
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 safe society without crimes.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the causes of rising crime rates, it could benefit from more specific examples or case studies to strengthen the argument. Consider integrating data or real-world scenarios that vividly illustrate the impact of poverty and inadequate government monitoring systems on crime.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and logical structure with a defined introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that ideas within paragraphs flow smoothly by linking them with appropriate connectors and transitions.
introduction conclusion present
The essay successfully introduces the topic with a clear statement of the main causes contributing to rising crime rates. It sets up a clear direction for the essay, maintaining focus throughout the discussion.
supported main points
The main points—poverty and government monitoring—are well-identified and elaborated. This helps in keeping the argument consistent and focused.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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