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Writing Samples
Band 4

Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

#people #time #homes #effects #trend #individuals #society
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Аn ocean of folks
carry out
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 less and less time at their homes. A major reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is an inability to compose a timetable which leads to a big effect on the other issues and social hard cases. Nowadays, a well-written plan becomes very complex to draw up which
also
Linking Words
 affects the failures of others' works.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it conducts issues,
such
Linking Words
 as poor quality of dreams and overloads.
Besides
Linking Words
, it can influence people's way of life and can manage the deterioration of health. As scientists show, a shortage of rest can only make it worse and increase the probability of stress and emotional swings.
As a result
Linking Words
, it affects individuals' conditions and high grades of employment. Among other things, it
also
Linking Words
 influences the general public. It exerts mess in the job and unwillingness to work.
Also
Linking Words
, it
wages
Verb problem
leads
show examples
 to other complications,
such
Linking Words
 as poor progress and the general health of workers.
For instance
Linking Words
, the survey reports that the population who run a big part of their lives subject to endocrine system disease and mental fatigue.
Overall
Linking Words
, a large number of nations
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 their lives out of their house. Which leads to big issues in the social and personal life.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should have been more organized. By creating a clearer structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, the argument could be much easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion sections are not well-defined. Aim to clearly introduce the topic at the beginning and summarize the key points at the end.
task achievement
It would have been better if you had fully addressed the prompt by exploring both multiple reasons and multiple effects more comprehensively.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support the points made in the essay. Specific scenarios or statistics can strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
The essay identifies a key issue, regarding the trend of people spending less time at home.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt at linking societal impact with individual behavior, providing an overall perspective on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demanding job schedules
  • digital nomadism
  • co-working spaces
  • urbanization
  • commutes
  • social activities
  • entertainment options
  • technological advancements
  • sense of community
  • familial bonds
  • stress levels
  • neighborhood cohesion
  • community involvement
  • consumerism
  • public amenities
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