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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development
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Parents
 these days often put a lot of
pressure
 on their
kids
 to succeed. They want their
children
 to have a good life, but sometimes their expectations can be too high. One big reason for
this
pressure
 is the world we live in. Everything seems to be moving faster and people are always trying to be the best.
Parents
 want their
children
 to handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
, so they push them to do extra activities. They worry that if their
children
 don't succeed, they'll be left behind. Another reason is that
parents
 often project their own dreams to their
children
. Maybe they didn't get to do certain things when they were young or feel
pressure
 from their own families or society to raise successful
children
.
However
, all
this
pressure
 can be harmful.
Kids
 may feel stressed and anxious if they feel like they can't live up to their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 expectations.
On the other hand
, some
parents
 might argue that
pressure
 can be motivating. They say that it pushes
kids
 to work hard and achieve their goals. It's true that some
kids
 might thrive under
pressure
, but for many, it can be too much.
Overall
,
while
parents
 want the best for their
children
, too much
pressure
 can be damaging.
Instead
 of focusing solely on achievement,
parents
 should encourage their
children
 to explore their interests, develop their talents, and learn from their mistakes. The most important thing is to support their
children
's well-being and happiness, not just their success.
Submitted by i.dany24s on

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or studies that can better illustrate the arguments made about parental pressure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a strong flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The arguments presented are logically structured, explaining both the reasons and the effects of parental pressure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
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