Some prents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys ?

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some people believe that giving
toy
Fix the agreement mistake
toys
show examples
to their
children
Use synonyms
will increase their
intelegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
. should the
parents
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give many
toys
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to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
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? some
parents
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argue that giving books to the
children
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is more than giving the
toys
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to the
children
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
do not have to give a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
to their
children
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
on
character
Correct article usage
the character
show examples
and behaviour of
children
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as less
socialize
Replace the word
socialising
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
their friends. In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
show examples
I will explain about advantages and disadvantages of
children
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having a large number of
toys
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.  nowadays,
parents
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tend to give
toys
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to their
children
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just because they want their
children
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can play alone, so many
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
show examples
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
as much as they can,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
it can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative effects
to
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on
show examples
their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a child really hard to communicate very well
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
people because they only focus on playing with the
toys
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,
secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do not like to read books and prefer to playing some
toys
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, and it could be dangerous if the
toys
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not safe for
children
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just because the ingredients of the
toys
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or there are small
toys
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and the
children
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can swallow it, so when the
children
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playing some
toys
Use synonyms
the parent have to focus on maintaining it. 
on the other hand
Linking Words
, many people buy
toys
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just because they want to increase their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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and they want their
children
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only
Fix the infinitive
to only
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focus on playing with
toys
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not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
Add an article
a gadget
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gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
. In conclusion, it is
okey
Correct your spelling
okay
if
parents
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give
toys
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to their
children
Use synonyms
, but not
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
because if the
children
Use synonyms
have a lot of
toys
Use synonyms
it can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
like
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
really hard to socialize with other
children
Use synonyms
,
besides
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that
children
Use synonyms
can increase they skill like
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
thay
Correct your spelling
they
will do not like to read books.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clear paragraphs that address specific points in a logical sequence. Improve transitions between ideas to help the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are well supported with relevant examples or explanations. For instance, provide specific examples of toys that encourage or discourage particular behaviors.
task achievement
Improve the grammar and spelling in your essay by carefully proofreading your work before submission. This will help to convey your ideas more clearly and professionally.
coherence cohesion
You introduced the topic and stated your position clearly at the beginning of the essay, which helped set the context.
task achievement
You recognized both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced view which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • creativity
  • stimulate
  • imagination
  • creative play
  • motor skills
  • problem-solving
  • independent play
  • self-sufficient
  • overwhelm
  • deep engagement
  • appreciation
  • value
  • scarcity
  • social interaction
  • social development
What to do next:
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