IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some students want other extra lectures in university to improve themselves. others believe concentrating only one field is essential discuus both views and give your opinion

#students #lectures #university #field #discuus
There is an ongoing conflict
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
students
 should choose additional courses when they study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the university.
This
 phenomenon can be regarded as either
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 or
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 and it
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be discussed throughout the essay and my opinion will be reflected
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 latter. Taking extra
lectures
 from other fields in universities enhances
students
’ skills which means that they expand their information set
while
 studying.
For example
, engineering
students
 might add
lectures
 regarding finance, allowing them to comprehend saving and investment strategies in their professional lives.
That is
, they become familiar
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 concepts of finance. If a civil engineer is eager to construct a bridge, he or she is going to choose the most appropriate project
that is
 financially convenient for them.
Moreover
, those who study economics should get other
lectures
such
 as politics and psychology, as these domains are linked to the department of economics. Politics gives invaluable insights
about
Change preposition
into
show examples
 how political incidents like elections affect economic indicators, including inflation and unemployment.
In addition
, psychology gives a perspective to
students
 about how attitudes shape the decisions about consumption and saving.
On the other hand
, some departments require
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solid concentration and commitment, enabling
students
 to put all their efforts
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a certain field.
For instance
, the
department
Capitalize word
Department
show examples
 of
law
Capitalize word
Law
show examples
 contains
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profound knowledge
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
,
students
 who study law solely concentrate on
lectures
 regarding their domain so as to defend their clients effectively in the future.
Medicine
Correct article usage
The medicine
show examples
 department is
also
 compelling in terms of having lots of mandatory courses compared to other departments. In order to be a doctor with enhanced skills,
students
 are not supposed to allocate time for other topics. From my perspective, I would say acquiring knowledge about other subjects will surely
beneficial
Add a missing verb
be beneficial
show examples
 for
students
 who are willing to pursue a great career.
Although
 it is harsh to apply that method to all departments, it is vital for
students
 to embrace various
lectures
. Bearing in mind the aforementioned points, we can draw the conclusion that university
students
 boost their skills by taking extra
lectures
although
 it may be challenging for some
students
 required to dedicate themselves to their domains.
Submitted by eniscankara13 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider improving transitional phrases and sentences to enhance logical connections between paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea to improve logical structure further.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clear and present a well-rounded perspective on the topic.
task achievement
Provides comprehensive ideas supporting both views.
task achievement
Includes relevant and specific examples, such as relating finance to engineering students.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: