Task 2 General ; Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are several opinions regarding whether
government
funds should be allocated
on
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to
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youths
Change noun form
youths'
youth's
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leisure time or educational initiatives.
While
,
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apply
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I agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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should invest in
pastimes
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pastime
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activities
but
Correct word choice
apply
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the
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
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of a child should not be overlooked. I will elaborate my views in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, academic knowledge plays a vital role in a child’s well-being; they gain knowledge and
implements
Correct subject-verb agreement
implement
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it to pursue their passion , which shapes their future better.
Moreover
, youth with elevated learning
contributes
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contribute
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in
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to
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Correct article usage
the nations
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nations
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nation's
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economy and development.
For
example
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example,
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kids who are unable to acquire education
due to
lack of finance will end up doing labor jobs. Their contribution towards the society will be minimized.
Hence
,
government
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the government
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spending money on education and building
government
schools which provide free schooling to
child
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children
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who can not afford is an imperative step towards
country’s
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the country’s
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success.
However
, public authorities spending solely on teaching could have an adverse
affect
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effect
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on students
life
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'
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style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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. Young minds can easily feel stress if they are not encouraged to spend some time to relax their mind.Promoting recreational facilities
such
as art, sports and music
make
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makes
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them creative and motivated. Europe country is one of the best
example
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examples
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where educational establishments
organizes
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organize
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extracurricular
activities
for youth ; giving them a platform where they can show their creative skills and earn respect nationally and internationally.
Furthermore
, engaging in relaxation
activities
is essential for the younger generation to maintain a balanced lifestyle, enabling them to build a more promising future In conclusion,
although
government
funding in education is important ,
but
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apply
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I firmly believe that investing in co-curricular
activities
can shape a better nation for
upcoming
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the upcoming
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generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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and
this
could bring economic wealth
for
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to
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whole
Add an article
the whole
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community.
Submitted by mhsawdeparthvi29 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer separation between your arguments. For instance, shift to a new paragraph when presenting a contrasting view or a new point.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your argument about the positive effects of recreational activities on young people.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your stance and summary of the essay.
complete response
Your discussion covers both sides of the argument effectively, demonstrating a balanced view.

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