Task 2 General ; Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are several opinions regarding whether
government
funds should be allocated Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
youths
leisure time or educational initiatives. Change noun form
youths'
youth's
While
Linking Words
,
I agree that Remove the comma
apply
Use synonyms
government
should invest in Correct article usage
the government
pastimes
Fix the agreement mistake
pastime
activities
Use synonyms
but
the Correct word choice
apply
eduction
of a child should not be overlooked. I will elaborate my views in the following paragraphs.
Correct your spelling
education
To begin
with, academic knowledge plays a vital role in a child’s well-being; they gain knowledge and Linking Words
implements
it to pursue their passion , which shapes their future better. Correct subject-verb agreement
implement
Moreover
, youth with elevated learning Linking Words
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
in
Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
the nations
nations
economy and development. Change noun form
nation's
For
Linking Words
example
kids who are unable to acquire education Add a comma
example,
due to
lack of finance will end up doing labor jobs. Their contribution towards the society will be minimized. Linking Words
Hence
, Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
spending money on education and building Correct article usage
the government
government
schools which provide free schooling to Use synonyms
child
who can not afford is an imperative step towards Fix the agreement mistake
children
country’s
success.
Correct article usage
the country’s
However
, public authorities spending solely on teaching could have an adverse Linking Words
affect
on students Replace the word
effect
life
Change noun form
'
style
. Young minds can easily feel stress if they are not encouraged to spend some time to relax their mind.Promoting recreational facilities Correct your spelling
lifestyles
such
as art, sports and music Linking Words
make
them creative and motivated. Europe country is one of the best Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
example
where educational establishments Change to a plural noun
examples
organizes
extracurricular Change the verb form
organize
activities
for youth ; giving them a platform where they can show their creative skills and earn respect nationally and internationally. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, engaging in relaxation Linking Words
activities
is essential for the younger generation to maintain a balanced lifestyle, enabling them to build a more promising future
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
government
funding in education is important , Use synonyms
but
I firmly believe that investing in co-curricular Remove the conjunction
apply
activities
can shape a better nation for Use synonyms
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
generation
and Fix the agreement mistake
generations
this
could bring economic wealth Linking Words
for
Change preposition
to
whole
community.Add an article
the whole
Submitted by mhsawdeparthvi29 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer separation between your arguments. For instance, shift to a new paragraph when presenting a contrasting view or a new point.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your argument about the positive effects of recreational activities on young people.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your stance and summary of the essay.
complete response
Your discussion covers both sides of the argument effectively, demonstrating a balanced view.