In modern world technology develops dramatically. Some people believe that this is good for traditional cultures, but others think it will lead to their extinction. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Rapidly developing technologies in nowadays world
affects
not only our lives, but more common things like traditional Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
cultures
. This
problem might be arguable for some people in the way of iteraction
for traditional Correct your spelling
interaction
cultures
and dramatically developing technologies. In my opinion, such
phenomena might be dangerous but useful for saving traditions.
Firstly
, modern tech helps different people to communicate, which leads different cultures
to mix. In this
way
small ethnical groups might be Add a comma
way,
asimilated
by larger ones. Correct your spelling
assimilated
Moreover
, without the knowledge of the problem, we could get the
one big mixed culture without any differences from place to place. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, we already have similar streaming services with all the world
music available. Change noun form
world's
Although
, you can find every type of cuisine from Chineese
to European almost in every large city in the world. Correct your spelling
Chinese
This
factor could have a dramatic impact for
saving the identity of Change preposition
on
completed
traditional Replace the word
complete
cultures
in the future.
On the other hand
, rapid technology development helps to change the experience between different social groups, which could help to improve productivity in different parts of activities. For instance
, forums and chats at
the internet Change preposition
on
helps
people to get answers Change the verb form
help
for
questions from Change preposition
to
the
different Correct article usage
apply
point
of view. Fix the agreement mistake
points
In addition
, it is easer
to accumulate traditions with Correct your spelling
easier
such
technology because of simpified
storage Correct your spelling
simplified
abitily
. Correct your spelling
ability
As
example, we don't need to write any books by hand and keep them as the apple of one's eye. In Change preposition
For
the
other terms, with an appropriate approach, Correct article usage
apply
such
improvements could be quiet
useful for traditional Correct your spelling
quite
cultures
.
In conclusion, with the right understanding how
technologies might develop and how to use them, Change preposition
of how
this
phenomena
could be used as a great instrument for improving traditional Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
cultures
in many ways, otherwise
, it could be the
critical problem which could lead to Correct article usage
a
extinction
of the community.Add an article
the extinction
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. While your essay provides a good discussion on the topic, try to build stronger connections between points in your paragraphs for seamless transitions and stronger arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. While you provide some examples, adding more specific instances could strengthen the argument and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Aim to express your ideas more clearly and concisely. Try to review your sentences for clarity and refine them to avoid potential misinterpretations or ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively structured your essay, beginning with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs discussing both views and finishing with a conclusion. This gives a clear framework to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay topic is well addressed with relevant points regarding the impact of technology on traditional culture.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example