In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is a controversy about whether substantial salaries, gained by
few
Correct article usage
a few

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individuals
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, could be beneficial or it is a problem that demands
governments
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government

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attention.
While
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imposing a salary ceiling can bring about advantages,
i
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I

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am of the opinion that the negative consequences of
such
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approach
Correct article usage
an approach

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would pale
its
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on its

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merits. Balancing income
distribution
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can benefit both
individuals
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and society at large. If a wage ceiling would be imposed, the wealth gap between the rich and the poor would diminish.
This
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minimized gap ensures that all walks of life get access to equal amenities and thrive alongside. In today’s societies, those from disadvantaged backgrounds are obliged to attend state schools, which are usually poor-funded and are not well-equipped,
while
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children's
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children

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of affluent families opt for private schools, where their talents would be recognized, and cutting-edge technologies would be provided
accordingly
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so that they could thrive and achieve
further
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achievements. A balanced wage
distribution
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,
on the other hand
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, minimizes
this
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discrepancy and enables gifted students to obtain degrees based on their merits.
Additionally
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, unbalanced education opportunities can cause
further
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social problems. A huge gap between affluent and poor citizens increases the rates of crime. The penurious usually opt for pickpocketing and stealing, as climbing the career ladder is an impossible option for poorly-educated
individuals
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.
Consequently
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, capping high salaries would benefit all citizens regardless of their social status. High salaries contribute to hard work,
individuals
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' well-being, and economic growth. Offering high incomes motivates people to work diligently and necessitates them to bring about their optimal mental and physical force, ultimately leading to groundbreaking developments.
For instance
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, American
policy-makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers

The word policy-makers doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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believe one should be rewarded based on their merits and abilities,
while
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Europeans opt for a more balanced income
distribution
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. Comparing European and American workforce, it is obvious that the latter group work for extended hours and have already gained more rewards in various fields when compared to their counterpart. The reason behind
this
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phenomenon is the limitless revenue generation.
Secondly
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, generating equivalent revenue can lead to unhealthy habits. By providing a more equitable
distribution
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of wealth, people start to seek the rush of adrenaline, previously gained by surpassing their peers, in other areas. In a futile search for joy in dangerous sexual
behaviors
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behaviours

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, addiction not only substitutes competition thrill but
also
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pose
Correct subject-verb agreement
poses

It seems that the verb pose does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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detrimental effects on
individuals
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' mental and physical health. In conclusion the decision to
whether
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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impose
salary
Correct article usage
a salary

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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ceiling or not is a complex decision.
While
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

controlling the
distribution
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of wealth could be profitable,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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believe its downturns outweigh its benefits.

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Task Response
Ensure consistency in viewpoints and avoid contradictory statements to strengthen the argument.
Task Response
Elaborate more on examples to provide deeper insight and connection to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy for better clarity, though small slips do not majorly impact comprehension.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear structure with a logical flow from introduction to conclusion provides coherence.
Task Response
Both views of the debate are suitably discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Includes specific examples to support the main ideas, notably comparing American and European salary policies.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
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