In some countries teenagers who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adult criminals. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this Statement
First of
all
it's definitely Add a comma
all,
changeable
situation. Teenagers who commit crimes and Correct article usage
a changeable
likewise
adult criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
mindset
aren'Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
t
same
. Teenagers are Correct article usage
the same
new
starting to life but adult Correct your spelling
now
criminals
already know most of
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the thing
thing
about Fix the agreement mistake
things
world
process. Correct article usage
the world
For
instance
15 years old a kid Add a comma
instance,
commit
Correct subject-verb agreement
commits
crime
it Add an article
a crime
have
Change the verb form
has
probability
nowadays crimes increase Correct article usage
a probability
underage
Change preposition
among underage
unfortunately
.
We don'Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
t
change adult criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
mindset
but we can change child Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
mindset
. Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
Due to
children aren'
Change the verb form
don't know
t
know interested laws
or life they Change preposition
in laws
are
want to do Unnecessary verb
apply
it
new things. We should change their Correct pronoun usage
apply
willing
. Switzerland Replace the word
will
is
own really low Verb problem
has
commit
Verb problem
apply
crime
probability as a result
of education
Correct article usage
the education
systems
Change noun form
system's
genuinely
Change the word
genuine
development
Replace the word
developing
years
by Fix the agreement mistake
year
years
. That's why Switzerland is Fix the agreement mistake
year
safe
country. Switzerland when they were children Add an article
a safe
teaching
for why shouldn'Wrong verb form
taught
t
commit crime
. İFix the agreement mistake
crimes
t
is truly perfect teaching and grew up conscious people
. I'm supporting
Wrong verb form
I support
this
instruction. We need to get over crime
that's why we have to Add an article
a crime
the crime
do
explain why mustn'Unnecessary verb
apply
t
do crime
. Add an article
the crime
I'm
definitely don'Unnecessary verb
I
t
agree this
idea given that as ı mentioned Change preposition
with this
adults
and Change noun form
adults'
adult's
children
mind Change noun form
children's
structure
and Fix the agreement mistake
structures
mindset
exactly Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
doesn'
Verb problem
aren't
t
same
. We can'Correct article usage
the same
t
left
alone Change the verb form
leave
be left
criminals
of course, they are
commit some bad things but they are still Unnecessary verb
apply
people
and we need to recover they
from Correct pronoun usage
them
crime
behaviour. We should Replace the word
criminal
example
for Fix the agreement mistake
examples
new
generation Correct article usage
the new
then
they can be good people
for their country.
Lastly
I don'Add a comma
Lastly,
t
praise crime
. Just I censure crime
, ı hope one day eventually all of Add an article
the guiltys
guiltys
understand Correct your spelling
guilty
to
how can Change preposition
apply
their
become good Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
. So ı don't
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
this
choice. I'm
only want to healthy and sustainable good life.Unnecessary verb
I
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Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for clarity and structure in your writing. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Try using linkers such as 'however', 'therefore', and 'similarly' to connect your ideas clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure better organization. Your introduction should clearly state your position on the topic. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, and summarize your arguments in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with clear examples and details. Your essay mentions Switzerland as an example, but it's vague. Providing more specific details would better support your argument.
Task Achievement
You have a unique perspective on the topic and bring up interesting points about education and mindset.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have touched upon an important issue regarding the difference in mindset between teenagers and adults.
Task Achievement
You present a clear stance on the topic throughout your essay, which is crucial for addressing the task effectively.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.