IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses

#business #bank #information #loan #finance #company #money #length #time #addresses
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to report on the following situation that I would like to start my own business. I plan to open a language school in my native town as I have been working as an English and French teacher for several years in the public school. Now I understand that I
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
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 motivation and want to try something new to improve my life.
However
, I
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not enough financial resources for it and because of
this
Add a comma
this,
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 I would like to ask you to give me 200,000$ to finance my new company. I am going to rent an apartment
andbuy
Correct your spelling
and buy
 all
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 furniture and materials,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
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 tables and chairs, a whiteboard, a laptop and some devices, a huge number of textbooks,
games
Correct word choice
and games
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 for young pupils. I expect that I will be able to repay the money in 2 years when my school has many students and
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
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 bringing me regular income.
Thanking
Wrong verb form
Thank
show examples
 you in advance. I look forward to receiving your reply. Yours sincerely, Julia Chernova
Submitted by samedovateacher on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by separating the letter into more distinct paragraphs; for example, one paragraph for describing the business, another for detailing the funds needed, and a third for explaining the repayment plan.
coherence cohesion
Include a brief introduction that more clearly explains the purpose of your letter at the very beginning.
task achievement
The letter clearly outlines the type of business, the amount of money needed, and the repayment period, effectively addressing all required points.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is polite and formal, which is appropriate for a letter to a bank.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are proper and appropriate for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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