You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses

#business #bank #information #loan #finance #company #money #length #time #addresses

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to report on the following situation that I would like to start my own business. I plan to open a language school in my native town as I have been working as an English and French teacher for several years in the public school. Now I understand that I

lose

Wrong verb form

lost

show examples

motivation and want to try something new to improve my life.

However

, I

have

Add a missing verb

do have

show examples

not enough financial resources for it and because of

this

Add a comma

this,

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I would like to ask you to give me 200,000$ to finance my new company. I am going to rent an apartment

andbuy

Correct your spelling

and buy

all

necessary

Correct article usage

the necessary

show examples

furniture and materials,

for

instance

Add the comma(s)

instance,

show examples

tables and chairs, a whiteboard, a laptop and some devices, a huge number of textbooks,

games

Correct word choice

and games

show examples

for young pupils. I expect that I will be able to repay the money in 2 years when my school has many students and

start

Correct subject-verb agreement

starts

show examples

bringing me regular income.

Thanking

Wrong verb form

Thank

show examples

you in advance. I look forward to receiving your reply. Yours sincerely, Julia Chernova

Submitted by samedovateacher on Fri Aug 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

Enhance the logical structure by separating the letter into more distinct paragraphs; for example, one paragraph for describing the business, another for detailing the funds needed, and a third for explaining the repayment plan.

coherence cohesion

Include a brief introduction that more clearly explains the purpose of your letter at the very beginning.

task achievement

The letter clearly outlines the type of business, the amount of money needed, and the repayment period, effectively addressing all required points.

task achievement

The tone of the letter is polite and formal, which is appropriate for a letter to a bank.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing are proper and appropriate for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

7 paragraphs

169 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

business loan
finance
capital
entrepreneur
startup
investment
repayment period
repayment schedule
principal amount
interest rate
financial assistance
business plan
profit potential
market analysis
industry opportunities

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in society today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?

People are living much longer than before, and this creates enormous pressure on government services. What are some of the effects of a much larger, older population and what can governments do to deal with this problem?

Some companies sponsor sports and sports stars as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some cities, people prefer riding bicycles rather than drive cars. In some other cities, people choose to drive cars rather than ride bicycles. What are the reasons for their preferences? Which one do you think is a better development?

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most siginificant influence. Discuss both views and opinion.