IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In today's world, many people spend increasingly less time in their homes. what are the reasons for this? What are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?

#world #people #time #homes #effects #trend #individuals #society
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It's argued that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 don't spend their
time
Use synonyms
 in their own homes, I believe working
hours
Use synonyms
 are the most common thing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, that will be badly reflected on individuals and society. Most
of
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apply
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Use synonyms
people
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the people
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 would like to spend their
time
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 with their families and children,
that
Correct word choice
but that
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 can't be achieved if each person
spend
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spends
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 most of
the
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their
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time
Use synonyms
in
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at
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 work, many
people
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 are working more than 12
hours
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 and
that is
Linking Words
 the cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem. Working most of
day's
Add an article
the day's
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time
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 for sure would lead to
such
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as
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 thing,
moreove
Correct your spelling
moreover
, imagine if
they
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the
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 city is crowded which
is mean
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means
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 the
people
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 will not only be working 12
hours
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; count the transportation
time
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 from their work to home. All of these things can badly reflect on each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 and for sure will prevent them
to spend
Change preposition
from spending
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 their
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home. Society
also
Linking Words
 will be impacted
with
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by
show examples
this
Linking Words
 thing, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will suffer
of
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from
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue and it might lead
people
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 to
get depressed
Replace the word
depression
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.
Best
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The best
show examples
 example of
that is
Linking Words
 the UK a lot of
people
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 get depressed
of
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about
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 working more than 12
hours
Use synonyms
 and the issue there
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 most of them don't spend
the
Remove the article
apply
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enough
time
Use synonyms
 with their family. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 spend less
time
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 in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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due to
Linking Words
 their working
hours
Use synonyms
 and that will
reflected
Change the verb form
be reflected
reflect
show examples
 badly on individuals and society.
Submitted by altammar12 on

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task achievement
Be more specific about the reasons why people spend less time at home. Consider discussing technological distractions or other social commitments as additional factors.
task achievement
Develop the ideas more comprehensively. Discuss both positive and negative impacts on individuals and society and provide examples.
coherence cohesion
Use more precise linking words and transitions to create smoother coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all parts of the essay are equally developed. Some sections are more detailed than others, which affects the overall balance.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding that working hours are a significant reason people spend less time at home.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear frame for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • increasingly
  • proliferation
  • recreational activities
  • technological advancements
  • remote communication
  • single-person households
  • social interaction
  • cohesion
  • urban planning
  • infrastructure
  • environmental impact
What to do next:
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