IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Information technology enales many people to do their work outside their workplace ( e.g. at home, when travelling, etc. ). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages ?

#information #technology #enales #people #work #workplace #e #g #home #mobility
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It's argued that
technology
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 can help
people
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 to
work
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remotly
Correct your spelling
remotely
 from their
workplace
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, I believe the mobility of
this
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dose
Correct your spelling
does
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 not outweigh the disadvantages,
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due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
people
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 feel they should respond to their
work
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 even after
the
Correct article usage
apply
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working hours. On the one hand, nowadays
technology
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helped
Wrong verb form
helps
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 a
lot
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 each
workplce
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workplace
 to be able to
access
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 and
work
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 remotely and
this
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 thing is really helpful.
Moreover
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,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 when you have
an
Correct article usage
apply
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emergency
work
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 to do you can
access
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
work
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 website or application and finish what
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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you need to do. Imagine if you have a
lot
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 of
report
Change to a plural noun
reports
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 to
be handle
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be handled
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to
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by
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 your supervisor by the next day, and you did not finish your
work
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, easily you can go to your home and
access
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by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your laptop to your
workplace
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 platform and finish your job.
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Ford company used
this
Linking Words
technology
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 and they gave their
employees
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 accounts to
access
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 whenever they want and finish or check their
work
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 and a
lot
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 of their
employees
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 were happy.
On the other hand
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,
technology
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 did not help a
lot
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 with
this
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 thing; many
people
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 said if our bosses know that we can
access
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
workplace
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 platform, they will ask us to
work
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 even if we are outside the job and after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working hours. Actually, 3 Companies in my country refused to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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 mobility, they made a
survy
Correct your spelling
survey
 and most of their
employees
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 did not agree
on
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with
show examples
 that thing, they believed
having
Change the form of the verb
had
show examples
 the ability to
access
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 to
work
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 remotely, will make the management
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
ask us to
work
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 even if we are on holidays. In conclusion, the mobility of working outside the
workplace
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dose
Correct your spelling
does
show examples
 not help
people
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 and
employees
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 and it's a
disadvantages
Change the noun form
disadvantage
show examples
 for them.
Submitted by altammar12 on

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task response
Try to clarify your position on whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages or not. The introduction suggests one position, but it's not entirely clear throughout the essay.
coherence & cohesion
Work towards a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs and seamless transitions. Although ideas are organized, transitions between them can be more fluid.
coherence & cohesion
Incorporate varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the fluency and reduce repetitions.
task response
Offers relevant examples such as the Ford company to support the point about the benefits of technological mobility for work.
coherence & cohesion
Presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the essay's main argument.
task response
Uses specific instances like companies refusing technological mobility, which enriches the discussion by presenting varied perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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