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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people today are worried about cyber crime such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does cyber crime cause andd what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?

#people #cyber #crime #identity #theft #andd #business
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These days many
people
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 are concerned about
cyber
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crime
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 like hacking and identity theft. The problems caused by
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cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
crime
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 are they put
people
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 at
risk
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, and
people
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 cannot
share
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 their personal
information
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 with others. The
solutions
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solution
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 are not sharing personal
information
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 online, and the state should take necessary measures to tackle
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cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
crime
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.
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Cyber
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Cybercrime
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crime
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 puts
people
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 at
risk
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 when it leaks
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 personal
information
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 of them.
In online
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Online
show examples
,
people
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share
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 their personal details
such
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 as date of birth, address, and phone numbers.
These
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This information
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information
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put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 them at
risk
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 because hackers access
those
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that information
show examples
information
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and
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apply
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blackmail
people
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 and ask for money.
Moreover
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,
people
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 nowadays, do not want to
share
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 their personal
information
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 online because of
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cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
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crime
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. Many
people
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while
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 filling
online
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out online
show examples
form
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forms
show examples
 for job opportunities do not want to
share
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 their personal details
becasue
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because
 of the fear
for
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of
show examples
 leaking
information
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.
For example
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, in the USA,in 2020, some candidates
while
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 applying for a job filled up a form about their personal details, it got leaked and they
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 trouble regarding their security.
Moreover
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, the
solutions
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solution
show examples
of
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to
show examples
 these problems
are
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is
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being
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to be
show examples
 careful about sharing personal
information
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 online. The
information
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people
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share
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 should be
perserved
Correct your spelling
preserved
 properly. When
people
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 become sure about the protection of their
information
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, they should
share
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 their
information
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.
In addition
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, the government should take necessary measures to preserve online
information
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of
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for
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 the general public. Strict laws should be passed and implemented to protect the private
information
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 of the general public.
For instance
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, in Australia, if someone leaks the private
information
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 of others,
hewill
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he will
be imprisoned for six months. In conclusion, the public puts them at
risk
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 when they
share
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 private
information
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 online and
therfore
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therefore
,
people
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 do not want to
share
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 their personal
information
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 online. To
addres
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address
 these problems,
people
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 should be careful about which
information
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 they are sharing
in
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apply
show examples
online, and the state should take effective measures to tackle online
indentity
Correct your spelling
identity
 theft.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Delve deeper into specific examples and situations. For example, expand on specific consequences of identity theft or how businesses can protect themselves.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using more connecting phrases will enhance the flow.
task achievement
The essay presents both problems and solutions, adhering well to the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly outline the issues and solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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