IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is important for parents to tell or read stories for their children. Others think that parents don’t have to do this because there are many sources for children to read like books, comics and websites. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #parents #stories #children #don’t #sources #books #comics #websites
It's argued that some people believe it's necessary that each
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 should tell or read stories to their
children
.
While
 other think it's not that important since there are many sources for
children
 to read. I believe it's one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 to tell and transfer the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
information
 to their
children
. On the one hand,
parents
 know well how to communicate with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. To clarify, each mother
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 how she can encourage her
child
 to get the benefit of the
story
 in
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper
show examples
 way.
For instance
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mothers know that the best time to tell a
story
 to their
child
 is before sleep, that will help the
child
 to listen and help the mother
that is
 her
child
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
quiet at that time.
On the other hand
, many
children
 might be able to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of things which are not suitable for their age,
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 and internet and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other sources,
don't
Correct word choice
but don't
show examples
 realise how much is the
reader
Change noun form
reader's
show examples
 age.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 is the worst thing to keep the
child
read
Wrong verb form
reading
show examples
 or
look
Wrong verb form
looking
show examples
 for any
information
 alone without their
parents
 supervising.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
 have the ability today to access
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any website they want and
that is
 the bad thing
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 that, they might
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 some of the wrong
information
 or a
story
 with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
terrible details, for sure that will
be reflect
Change the verb form
be reflected
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them badly. In conclusion, In my opinion,
children
 should not use any sources to read or search for any
story
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
information
,
this
 should be the
parents
' responsibility.
Submitted by altammar12 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses all parts of the task prompt with balanced attention. You have touched on both views, but the discussion could be more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure there is a logical progression of ideas. Currently, the argument is not as fully developed in some parts.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main ideas of the essay, presenting a clear stance.
supported main ideas
The essay provides relevant examples to illustrate points, which enhances understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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