IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think in order to continually improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to evaluate and criticize their teachers. Others feel that this would result in a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #quality #education #school #students #teachers #loss #respect #discipline #classroom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that
education
Use synonyms
 standards can be improved if
feedback
Use synonyms
 is taken from the
students
Use synonyms
 regarding their tutor
while
Linking Words
 many people believe that
this
Linking Words
 approach may lead to negative outcomes.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both sides of the argument, before reaching a logical opinion. On the one hand, the supporters of the idea that
students
Use synonyms
 should be asked to provide critical reviews on their instructors believe that
this
Linking Words
 approach can lead to improvements in teaching methods as it provides
teachers
Use synonyms
 with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
constructive
feedback
Use synonyms
 about their teaching methodology and areas for improvements.
This
Linking Words
 means it can stimulate instructors to upgrade their teaching techniques, resulting in better educational outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, the main reason why Finland has succeeded in
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 sector is because in 2010,
students
Use synonyms
' perspectives were valued and their constructive
feedback
Use synonyms
 helped the Finnish
education
Use synonyms
 department to develop and reach world-class standards.
Thus
Linking Words
, evaluating
teachers
Use synonyms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 and improve the
education
Use synonyms
departmtent
Correct your spelling
department
.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
On
show examples
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the advocates of the view that
this
Linking Words
 method would afflict
teachers
Use synonyms
' self-esteem believe that it may undermine the authority of
teachers
Use synonyms
 in the classroom if handled inappropriately. As high school
students
Use synonyms
 are not always mature enough to provide unbiased and constructive
feedback
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 who have palsy-walsy relationships with their
students
Use synonyms
, but are not truly effective in terms of delivering program outcomes, may receive favourable
evalutions
Correct your spelling
evaluations
.
Thus
Linking Words
, criticizing experts by immature pupils may deteriorate the classroom environment.
However
Linking Words
, from my perspective, school authorities must evaluate
teachers
Use synonyms
' efficacy in terms of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' progress in their corresponding subjects. As
this
Linking Words
 would help the
administation
Correct your spelling
administration
 to acknowledge the instructors' efforts in ameliorating the individual performance of the
students
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though constructive criticism may help to refine the
education
Use synonyms
 system to some extent,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe a more viable approach could be to review the
Use synonyms
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
 performance in a particular teacher-led subject.
Submitted by muaaztousif2105 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are well-presented, there is room for clearer separation and labeling of different views in the paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly to reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
Ensure your arguments and examples are evenly balanced to avoid any perceived bias toward one side.
coherence and cohesion
The essay introduces the topic well and presents a clear stance in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively use examples, such as the Finnish education system, to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow with clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Evaluate
  • Criticize
  • Improve educational outcomes
  • Feedback loop
  • Democratic school culture
  • Constructive criticism
  • Authority
  • Fair and constructive feedback
  • Skewed
  • Educational outcomes
  • Engagement
  • Motivation
  • Timely interventions
  • Teacher development
  • Learning experience
What to do next:
Look at other essays: