To what extent has the traditional male role changed in the last 20 years? Many people believe that women make better parenting than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answer.

#role #years #people #women #men #children #societies #point

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It's argued that over the previous 20 years

Use synonyms

men

Change noun form

men's

show examples

role

Fix the agreement mistake

roles

show examples

has been

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

changed. And, many people believe that

women

Use synonyms

better

Add a missing verb

are better

show examples

than

men

Use synonyms

in parenting.

Therefure

Correct your spelling

Therefore

due to

Linking Words

that

women

Use synonyms

have

the

Correct article usage

show examples

greater role in raising

children

Use synonyms

in most societies. In my point of view,

women

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have the ability

of raising

Replace the preposition

to raise

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

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better than

men

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. And

this

Linking Words

is because of the nature of

women

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

Men

Use synonyms

might spend most of their time

Change preposition

show examples

work and with friends. On the one hand, each

child

Use synonyms

will be comfortable when he stays with his

mother

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more than anything,

Mother

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's nature

help

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helps

show examples

her a lot to become the right place for each

child

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Moreover

Linking Words

, each

mother

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can teach and focus on her

child

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without punishing him when he does anything wrong and that

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

of her nature.

Mother

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mercy

Replace the word

merciful

show examples

and kind with the

children

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, how if we speak about her

child

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For instance

Linking Words

survey

Add an article

a survey

the survey

show examples

has been made to the UK schools, asking the

children

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who is better with you, is it your

mother

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or your father? and the result was

Correct word choice

that 75

show examples

% of

children

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answered that

Use synonyms

mother

Correct pronoun usage

their mother

show examples

is better, as long as she

mercy

Replace the word

is merciful

show examples

with them.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Add an article

the role

show examples

role

Fix the agreement mistake

roles

show examples

changed for

men

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around 20 years ago and that

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

because

Add the preposition

because of

show examples

a lot of things.

Specially

Replace the word

Especially

show examples

long working hours and

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

most of the time with friends, parenting

child

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need to be close

with

Change preposition

show examples

him, listen to him and see what he

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

. That can't be achieved if the

men

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or fathers

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

their time

Change preposition

show examples

work and

friends

Change preposition

with friends

show examples

for example

Linking Words

, Japan decided that each father

has

Correct pronoun usage

who has

show examples

child

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will work only 6 hours

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a day. in order to help the fathers parenting and

watching

Wrong verb form

watch

show examples

their

childs

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

To conclude

Linking Words

women

Use synonyms

have the right to

parenting

Wrong verb form

parent

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

child

Use synonyms

more than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

men

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, for a lot of reasons

such

Linking Words

men

Use synonyms

working hours.

Submitted by altammar12 on Wed Oct 16 2024

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clearer structure to the essay with distinct paragraphs for each point. This will help improve logical structure.

task achievement

Develop some of the ideas further with more detailed examples or explanations to increase task response score.

task achievement

Avoid repeating the same point and focus on providing diverse perspectives.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly stated.

task achievement

You have offered relevant examples, such as the UK survey and Japan's work policy, to support your ideas.

task achievement

The essay shows an understanding of the topic and presents a clear point of view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Some suggest than young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the itadvantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

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A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals have a lot of influence. What is your opinions?