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The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
The pie chart provides data regarding 4 distinct venues of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
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,
while
Linking Words
 the diagram illustrates 2
age
Use synonyms
 classifications (under 11 and 11 - 16
years
Use synonyms
) that currently participate in 3 different types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
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 (ballet, tap, modern) in an Australian city. To commence, private facilities are the predominant location of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
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, accounting for approximately half of the proportion at 48%.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by school halls (after-school) and community halls & others at around 21% on average for each place.
However
Linking Words
, the college-based spaces only contribute 38% less compared to private studios, indicating a noticeable disparity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, regarding types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 per
age
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 group, 600 children under 11
years
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 old participate in ballet class,
whereas
Linking Words
 children from the 11 - 16
age
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 group that study ballet are only half of those under 11
years
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the number of students from under 11
years
Use synonyms
 old and 11 -16
age
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 groups that engage in tap class is almost identical at around 450 students.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 300 children under 11
years
Use synonyms
 old learn modern
dance
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, the number from the 11 - 16
age
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 group is approximately 200 more. To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
dance
Use synonyms
classes
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 are mostly held at private studios, those 2
age
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 groups have their own preference on types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
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