IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie chart provides data regarding 4 distinct venues of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the diagram illustrates 2
age
Use synonyms
 classifications (under 11 and 11 - 16
years
Use synonyms
) that currently participate in 3 different types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 (ballet, tap, modern) in an Australian city. To commence, private facilities are the predominant location of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
, accounting for approximately half of the proportion at 48%.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by school halls (after-school) and community halls & others at around 21% on average for each place.
However
Linking Words
, the college-based spaces only contribute 38% less compared to private studios, indicating a noticeable disparity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, regarding types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 per
age
Use synonyms
 group, 600 children under 11
years
Use synonyms
 old participate in ballet class,
whereas
Linking Words
 children from the 11 - 16
age
Use synonyms
 group that study ballet are only half of those under 11
years
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the number of students from under 11
years
Use synonyms
 old and 11 -16
age
Use synonyms
 groups that engage in tap class is almost identical at around 450 students.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 300 children under 11
years
Use synonyms
 old learn modern
dance
Use synonyms
, the number from the 11 - 16
age
Use synonyms
 group is approximately 200 more. To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 are mostly held at private studios, those 2
age
Use synonyms
 groups have their own preference on types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, age, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: