The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.
The pie chart provides data regarding 4 distinct venues of
dance
classes
,
while
the diagram illustrates 2
age
classifications (under 11 and 11 - 16
years
) that currently participate in 3 different types of
dance
classes
(ballet, tap, modern) in an Australian city. To commence, private facilities are the predominant location of
dance
classes
, accounting for approximately half of the proportion at 48%.
This
is followed by school halls (after-school) and community halls & others at around 21% on average for each place.
However
, the college-based spaces only contribute 38% less compared to private studios, indicating a noticeable disparity.
On the other hand
, regarding types of
dance
classes
per
age
group, 600 children under 11
years
old participate in ballet class,
whereas
children from the 11 - 16
age
group that study ballet are only half of those under 11
years
.
Conversely
, the number of students from under 11
years
old and 11 -16
age
groups that engage in tap class is almost identical at around 450 students.
Moreover
,
although
300 children under 11
years
old learn modern
dance
, the number from the 11 - 16
age
group is approximately 200 more. To encapsulate,
although
dance
classes
are mostly held at private studios, those 2
age
groups have their own preference on types of
dance
classes
.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, age, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
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