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Writing Samples
Band 5

I n many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

Emigrating to
cities
Use synonyms
 from rural
areas
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 has been a controversial issue whether diminishing
population
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 in rural places is
positive
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a positive
show examples
 aspect or not.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon can be regarded as both favorable and unfavorable and it
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be discussed throughout the essay. My opinion will be reflected
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 latter. Moving to
cities
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 from rural
areas
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 is of paramount importance for
people
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 to attain higher
opportunities
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a student who dwells in a village might go to
urban
Correct article usage
an urban
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 place for education purposes. In
cities
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, he or she is more likely to go
better
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to better
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 universities that have distinguished professors who have
a
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apply
show examples
great expertise in their domain.
That is
Linking Words
, universities located in big
cities
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 give better education to their students.
Also
Linking Words
, an employee from
rural
Correct article usage
a rural
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 place might go to
metropolis
Correct article usage
a metropolis
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 so as to find
well -paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
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 jobs, offering them to sustain better living standards and pursue career
opportunities
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.
Moreover
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,
opportunities
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 in
cities
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 are not only constrained with education and work prospects but
also
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 contain better health provisions, allowing
people
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 to achieve specialized hospitals with cutting-edge technologies and specialized doctors who have graduated from distinctive faculties.
By
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As
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product
Correct article usage
a product
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 of
this
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,
people
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 may remain healthy by emigration to big
cities
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, decreasing
population
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 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 can be detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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 the local economy and it could lead to some severe problems in big
cities
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.
For instance
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, if
people
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 abandon their villages, the amount of food produced in agriculture is going to decrease to a great extent, as farmers will no longer exist in rural
areas
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.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 results in disruptions in the local economy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an increasing
population
Use synonyms
 in
cities
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 can cause challenges, including traffic congestion which means that more
people
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 are going to use public transport.
In addition
Linking Words
, resources in
cities
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 won’t be enough for all
people
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due to
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 emigration and some will tend to commit crimes
due to
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 scarcity of them. In my view,
although
Linking Words
cities
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 enhance the quality of
people
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’s lives in terms of offering
substantial
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a substantial
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 amount of
opportunities
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, it
also
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 poses a menace because of the high
population
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. What should be done to find a balance is to support rural
areas
Use synonyms
. More investments should be made
to
Change preposition
in
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 rural
areas
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 in order to persuade
people
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for living
Change preposition
to live
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 in these places. Bearing in mind the aforementioned points, we can draw the conclusion that emigrating to big
cities
Use synonyms
 has both advantages and drawbacks.
While
Linking Words
cities
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 offer greater standards, rural
areas
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 are as vital as
cities
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 since they are the determining factor of
local
Add an article
the local
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 economy. A balanced
population
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 in both
cities
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 and villages might be more useful in order to address potential challenges and provide
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 development.

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task achievement
Ensure that all main points are consistently supported with specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and provide a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting a clear position on the topic.
task achievement
The essay offers a thorough exploration of both positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, reflecting a comprehensive response to the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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