Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?
At present numerous individual consider
that
Correct word choice
apply
money
is
the most important thing in their Correct subject-verb agreement
be
life
and this
essay will examine the main reason for this
attitude and other related matters for happiness.
To begin
with, using money
in life
is the most important concern. Nowadays people are using bunch
of goods and different kinds of equipment for the comfort of Add an article
a bunch
life
. And this
matter happens only by riches. For example
, recently an international newspaper published news that 87% of the
folks work more and more Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
to
earing
Correct your spelling
earn
money
and others
aims are not important to them. Adding that, Correct quantifier usage
other
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
is an infrastructure of every progress in the modern world, and that not only guarantees all of the facility
, but Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
also
it is impossible for people to deal with life
without it.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of necessary aspects in life
for happiness. For example
, the researchers indicated that,
Remove the comma
apply
life
is meaningless without health and health is a priority in life
.Hence
,people have to save their health and this
matter is more important for
them. Change preposition
to
Although
it is said that, keeping morality and emotion is golden
key for gladness too and humans need peace of mind in every condition ,and Add an article
the golden
a golden
this
is one of the most important subjects which can not be disregarded as well.
To conclude
, undoubtedly, the money
provides plenty of positive things. Thus
, I assume that currently
everyone tries to make a balance between Add a comma
currently,
money
and other life
requirements in their way of life
.Submitted by aksoysana on
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coherence
Enhance your logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the previous one more effectively. Use transitional phrases and clear topic sentences.
cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
task response
Address all parts of the question thoroughly, and ensure your ideas are clear and comprehensive.
task response
The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt: how money contributes to happiness and what other factors can influence happiness.
coherence
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which help frame your response and provide a sense of closure.
cohesion
There are relevant examples and statistics provided, such as the international newspaper survey, to support your ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?