Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places ?

Tourists are coming to see and learn more information about museums and historical buildings
instead
of local people. in my point of view
Add a comma
,
show examples
those
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of buildings are expensive for indigenous citizens .
Therefore
, the government should create comfortables and organize awards for humans who know better about their history .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to provide a framework for your argument. This helps in presenting a well-structured response.
task achievement
Your essay should include relevant and specific examples to support your main points. Try to elaborate more on your ideas with evidence or examples.
task achievement
Expand your ideas more comprehensively to ensure clarity and depth. This will help in achieving a stronger task response.
task achievement
The idea that government intervention can play a role in attracting local visitors is a solid and valid point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: