With advancement in science, it is quite common for people to leave a page of hundred and thousand medical research make it possible for normal human being to live longer than that is assistance Is this desirable or not?

Society has different views about the development of science which is predicted to help individuals live longer
while
others deny these benefits. There are some strong arguments in support of
this
new advancement of medical science, but I believe that living up to 150 years will have a negative influence on the community. People support immortality for several reasons.
Firstly
, human beings would have no regrets about their strong desires for accomplishments. Mankind can do what they have not done before in their hardworking days
due to
a big dream of success in the future
life
.
Thus
, longevity assists humankind to
livey
Correct your spelling
live
the joy of spring in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
successful period by completing unfinished ambitions. To substantiate it, here is an epitome of entrepreneurs who worked hard to reach
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
peak of their career afterwards, they tend to stay achievements for longer to live
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
that pinnacle. In spite of the above arguments, I agree that a picturesque
life
and satisfaction with what a person holds is much better than a longer subsistence without meaning and significance.
Furthermore
, humankind has certain limitations as organs would not remain the same in all phases of
life
. During adult ages, a person
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
more fatigued and it is hard to provide proper care, especially if he or she
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffers
show examples
from bad health or weak resistance. Even though people will able to receive extra-ordinary facilities, brain health will not be changed.
In addition
, surviving too prolonged only brings morbidity and
this
will create heavy burdens on the government. There would be a need to allocate more expenditures and the escalation of older people will indirectly affect the growth rate of developing countries as their limited resources will be spent on old age care centres.
Overall
, it seems to me that the potential dangers of living a long
life
are more significant than the possible merits.
Thus
, I still argue that remaining healthy and balanced
an
Change preposition
for an
show examples
entire
life
is far better than expecting a
life
of approximately 150 years.
Submitted by sarabjeetk8899 on

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task achievement
Try to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive, especially when describing the benefits and drawbacks of longevity. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points. This will bolster your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the logical progression between your points is smoother. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Focus on providing balanced points of view for both sides of the argument, and make sure to equally support each point with evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets out the main argument and introduces the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your position clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt fully, discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of increased longevity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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