IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
There is no denying the fact that the government's
investment
 in arts,
music
 and theatre is a waste of money. The government should invest these funds in public
services
instead
, but there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
investment
 in theatre is crucial for each country.
To begin
 with, spending money on
art
 and
music
 will make
people
 satisfied.
In other words
,
people
 like to be encouraged in their hobbies as
art
as well as
music
 are part of their hobbies.
In addition
, many
countries
' reputation was built based on
music
 and
art
.
For example
, European
countries
 were nouns as the most important
countries
 in
art
. Another point to consider is that the government at the same time should spend and focus on the
people
's demands and build a strong network of public
services
. It is
also
 possible to say that most
countries
 suffer from public
services
.
Moreover
, the spending on public
services
 should be equal to the
investment
 in theatre.
For instance
, not less than 50% of the UK annual
investment
 is going to build schools and fixing the roads. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that focusing on
people
's
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 the city correctly is much better than spending money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
 and
such
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
things.
Submitted by altammar12 on

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content
Expand on reasons for supporting the arts and discuss these in greater detail. Provide more balanced arguments for both viewpoints.
structure
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, focusing on one main idea to maintain clarity.
cohesion
Work on connecting ideas between sentences and paragraphs more smoothly using transition words.
content
The essay presents a clear opinion: that investment in arts and culture is beneficial.
support
Relevant examples, such as the mention of European countries and the UK's investment, are provided to support the main points.
understanding
Both perspectives of the argument are acknowledged, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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