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Band 5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
Nowadays, the average mass of
people
 is growing,
accordingly
, their
health
 and fitness are spoilt. Doubtless,
this
 can happen
due to
 several factors,
nevertheless
, there are a couple of methods
which
Change preposition
by which
show examples
 we can tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these issues. There are several factors influencing directly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
’s
weight
 maybe,
this
 is
due to
 through activity or development of technology. Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
adapted
Correct your spelling
adopted
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 their phones which, directly impacts our
health
as a result
, we can’t eat normally
according to
 eating
time
instead
 of
this
 we
booked
Wrong verb form
book
show examples
 fast food or something healthy. Eventually, doubtless
people
's
weight
 enhanced automatically
according to
 their activity.
Furthermore
, these days
people
 are more likely to focus their attention on their work in connection with
this
 they don’t have enough
time
 to eat properly.
However
, we can tackle all of these issues
first,
we have to take more
time
 for ourselves.Perhaps,we may have necessary work
nevertheless
, I still opine the best thing in the world is our
health
 always we must take care of our body.
Apart from
this
, we should eat healthier,always we try to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
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fast food
in addition
 to
this
 we should do sports in our free
time
 and doubtless I believe that
this
 is one of the significant factors for to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
weight
.As long as we complete all of these requirements not only we feel more healthy but
also
 briskly.
To sum up
, the significant problem of our
time
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 average limit of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 is rising appropriately their
health
 and fitness are suffering. If we want to normalize the
weight
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society at large, we need to pay attention to the problems we have given above and through the solutions we have shown, we can start a healthier and fitter life.
Submitted by alialiyevv423 on

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task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, think about particular scenarios or data that illustrate the issue more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Focus on developing a clearer, more structured progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your points build on each other logically.
task achievement
Work on clarity and precision in expressing your ideas. Ensure that your sentences convey your ideas effectively without unnecessary complexity or ambiguity.
task achievement
You have addressed the task with a clear understanding of the problem, offering a reasonable solution and explanation.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame your response effectively.
task achievement
You incorporated a good mix of ideas to discuss the causes and solutions related to the increase in average weight and decline in health.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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