IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages.

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
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We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.We live in a
world
 of
technology
 these
days
.
While
 the
internet
 brings with it clear
advantages
, the
problems
 in
terms
 of
control
 and
security
 of
information
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
advantages
.
Submitted by ouazilhakima010 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have clear and distinct paragraphs including an introduction, body paragraphs with main points, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Try to develop more comprehensive ideas. Explain your points in greater depth and consider providing evidence or examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Include specific examples that are directly relevant to your argument. This will help to clarify your position and provide evidence for your claims.
task achievement
You have presented your main argument consistently throughout the essay, maintaining focus on the debate about internet advantages and disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
What to do next:
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