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Band 5

Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #criminals #prison #education
Several individuals believe that putting crimes
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prison is not an effective solution to cope with them
however
education
 and
traning
Correct your spelling
training
 are better. Personally, I partly agree with
this
 statement because
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
 major reasons which I shall explain in more detail in
this
 essay. On the one hand,
education
 and training are
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
 to be more successful than imprisonment
to address
Change preposition
in addressing
show examples
criminal
Add an article
the criminal
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 since fact reports have proven that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unfficient
Correct your spelling
efficient
inefficient
education
 is one of
primary
Add an article
the primary
show examples
 reasons resulting in criminal behaviours.
Therefore
, we can see in fact the higher rate of offenders coming from
low
Correct word choice
the lower
show examples
 class in society, particularly,
slum
Change preposition
in slum
show examples
 areas where most people could not access
education
 enough.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 scarcity
both
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of both
show examples
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and awareness
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
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difficulties in career opportunities.
Consequently
, they will engage in illegal acts to earn money
for covering
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to cover
show examples
 living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and
survivel
Correct your spelling
survive
.
On the other hand
, some said that with the aim of dealing with serious lawbreakers effectively, there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
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harmony between punishment and
education
 for jails to recognize their illegal engagements and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not dare to
reoffend
Correct your spelling
re-offend
offend
. Because if the law only focuses on the
education
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
wrongders
Correct your spelling
wrongdoers
 and
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 deter them by punishments
such
 as sending them to prison, they will see that the consequence for their
crimal activites
Correct your spelling
criminal activities
 is very easy.
Hence
, they will still commit
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 without fear of punishment.
As a result
 of the increasing number of delinquents. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I partly agree with the idea
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 putting crimes
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prison is not an effective resolution to deal with them
while
education
 and training are more effective because I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective dealing with
criminal
Add an article
the criminal
a criminal
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should apply both
education
 and imprisonment to chastise
theircriminal
Correct your spelling
their criminal
 engagements,
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
, dangerous crimes.
Submitted by writingeilts on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument in a logical and clear manner. Some sentences could be better structured to convey your points more cohesively.
task achievement
To enhance your task achievement score, it’s important to fully develop your ideas with more detailed explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
The examples provided could be more specific and relevant to strengthen the argument, making your essay more compelling and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state your position and provide a framework for the discussion.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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