IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information about electricity generation in two countries in 2009

The charts below give information about electricity generation in two countries in 2009
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The diagrams depict the amount of electricity generated in 2009 in
Germany
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 and
France
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 for all types of
energy
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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renewables
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 specifically.
Germany
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’s power supply is dominated by conventional thermal
energy
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,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear
energy
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 is highly used in
France
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. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of
Use synonyms
renewables
Change the noun form
renewable
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 usage,
Germany
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 mostly
utilize
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utilizes
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 biomass and wind;
however
Linking Words
,
hydroelectric
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the hydroelectric
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 source is widely used in
France
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. Electricity generation in
Germany
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Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 higher than in
France
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, 560 and 510 billion kWh, respectively.
Firstly
Linking Words
, looking at
energy
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 sources
at
Change preposition
as
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whole
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the whole
a whole
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 in 2009, conventional thermal
energy
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 was used significantly in
Germany
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, which was around 60%, followed by nuclear and
renewables
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 accounting for 23% and 17.4% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
France
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 extremely dominated its source of national electricity supply by nuclear
energy
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, reaching
to
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apply
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76%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, renewable
energy
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 utilization in
this
Linking Words
 country was about 13%, and thermal
energy
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 was around 10%. Looking specifically
of
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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renewable
energy
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 usage,
Germany
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 mostly supplied
for
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apply
show examples
renewables
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 from biomass and wind-based
energy
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
France
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’s national renewable
energy
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 source was led by hydroelectric supply (80.5%).

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words germany, france, energy, renewables with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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