IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries nowadays,more and more women have full-time jobs as men,so there is logic men and women should share the housework tasks equally(like cleaning and looking after children).To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework #tasks #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, in many countries,
women
Use synonyms
 have full-time jobs like
men
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, some people argue that
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 should equally
share
Use synonyms
 the
household
Use synonyms
 chores,
such
Linking Words
 as raising
children
Use synonyms
 and cleaning. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because as
women
Use synonyms
 are earning and contributing economically like
men
Use synonyms
,
men
Use synonyms
 should ensure
equal
Add an article
the equal
show examples
 contribution of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in society and
share
Use synonyms
 the
household
Use synonyms
 tasks to minimize
women
Use synonyms
's workloads. If
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 the
household
Use synonyms
 tasks equally, it will reduce the burdens of
women
Use synonyms
. Doing all
household
Use synonyms
 duties alone puts much pressure on
women
Use synonyms
, and they cannot take care of themselves. If
men
Use synonyms
share
Use synonyms
 50% of the
household
Use synonyms
 tasks,
women
Use synonyms
 can manage some time for self-care activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Mumbai, India, in many households, around 64% of
women
Use synonyms
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 their husbands
share
Use synonyms
 the responsibilities of their
children
Use synonyms
 with them
such
Linking Words
 as preparing
children
Use synonyms
 for school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or preparing meals for
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 practice has reduced the workload of
women
Use synonyms
, and they get time for relaxation. ensure equal contribution of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in society. In conclusion, I completely agree with the viewpoint that,
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 should
share
Use synonyms
household
Use synonyms
 responsibilities. It will mitigate the workloads of
women
Use synonyms
, and make their life easier. It will ensure equal contribution of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 to
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure that all points made are fully developed and elaborated with sufficient relevant examples. For instance, there is potential to add more varied examples that illustrate men sharing household chores in different contexts.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more explicit use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs, which would help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for small inaccuracies or typos, especially in the conclusion where words like 'society' are misspelled as 'sociaty'.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported and illustrated with examples which make the argument persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: