IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries nowadays,more and more women have full-time jobs as men,so there is logic men and women should share the housework tasks equally(like cleaning and looking after children).To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #women #jobs #men #logic #housework #tasks #children
These days, in many countries,
women
 have full-time jobs like
men
,
therefore
, some people argue that
men
 and
women
 should equally
share
 the
household
 chores,
such
 as raising
children
 and cleaning. I completely agree with
this
 statement because as
women
 are earning and contributing economically like
men
,
men
 should ensure
equal
Add an article
the equal
show examples
 contribution of
men
 and
women
 in society and
share
 the
household
 tasks to minimize
women
's workloads. If
men
 and
women
share
 the
household
 tasks equally, it will reduce the burdens of
women
. Doing all
household
 duties alone puts much pressure on
women
, and they cannot take care of themselves. If
men
share
 50% of the
household
 tasks,
women
 can manage some time for self-care activities.
For instance
, in Mumbai, India, in many households, around 64% of
women
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 their husbands
share
 the responsibilities of their
children
 with them
such
 as preparing
children
 for school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or preparing meals for
children
.
This
 practice has reduced the workload of
women
, and they get time for relaxation. ensure equal contribution of
men
 and
women
 in society. In conclusion, I completely agree with the viewpoint that,
men
 and
women
 should
share
household
 responsibilities. It will mitigate the workloads of
women
, and make their life easier. It will ensure equal contribution of
men
 and
women
 to
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure that all points made are fully developed and elaborated with sufficient relevant examples. For instance, there is potential to add more varied examples that illustrate men sharing household chores in different contexts.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more explicit use of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs, which would help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for small inaccuracies or typos, especially in the conclusion where words like 'society' are misspelled as 'sociaty'.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
Main points are generally well-supported and illustrated with examples which make the argument persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: