In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the past, a father used to work,
while
a mother was in charge of home tasks. Times have changed both parents have to work full-time jobs.
Thus
some individuals believe that men and women must be responsible together for their daily tasks
such
as cleaning and taking care of the children. I strongly agree with
this
statement. In
this
essay, I will look at the reasons behind my agreement.
To begin
with, working together will create a sense of Partnership and strengthen the relationship. A study has shown that a husband and a wife who shared a household together were happier than other couples, it's
also
has demonstrated that they have a long-term marriage.
For instance
, my brother comes back home at 1 pm,
he
Correct word choice
and he
show examples
usually does laundry and wash dishes, as his wife is a doctor who arrives at 4 pm, as my brother has done most of the job, she can patiently and happily take care of their children.
In addition
, being in a relationship where both women and men work as a team can save their time and energy, and give them free time to spend with their families and friends to enjoy and get rid of stress and anxiety.
Consequently
, they can be a significantly married couple and great parents.
For example
, my husband and I shared our daily routine with each other. So, he can teach children how to read,
while
I am preparing the lunch. Or he can clean the house
while
I make the beds.
This
way, we finish early,
then
I can visit my mum, and he can hang out with his friends. In conclusion. I totally agree that sharing the tasks is highly important for some reasons.
First,
being responsible can strengthen relationships and create a sense of belonging.
Second,
working together can save time and energy.
Submitted by fatmahaleesa on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain the logical structure throughout the essay. While existing points are well-structured, ensure occasional breaks in coherence are smoothed over to flow as naturally as possible.
task achievement
Be careful with verb tense consistency and article usage, e.g., 'wash dishes' should be 'washing dishes' and 'it's also has' should be 'it also has'. This will polish your Task Achievement results.
coherence cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between points to further strengthen coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Support each main idea with specific and more detailed examples, while tying it back to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Well-constructed introduction and conclusion that clearly state the position and summarize the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Good examples were used to illustrate points about sharing household responsibilities and how it benefits relationships.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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