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Band 4

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economics around the world.However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#tourism #industries #economics #world #damage #cultures #environment
Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
one
 of
great
Correct article usage
the great
show examples
 deal contributed to economics around the world is
tourism
 with the
rapid
Change the adjective
rapidly
show examples
 growing industries. On the
one
 hand, the
after effects
Correct your spelling
aftereffects
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
tourism
such
 as local culture and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 damage
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 often ignored.
This
 essay
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
completely
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
show examples
 with
Add an article
the later
show examples
later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 statement because it can help
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community through
economic
Add an article
the economic
an economic
show examples
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
 and eco-
tourism
 to restore the
environment
.
Tourism
 can help
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development where the transaction that happens in the local community
to promote
Change the verb form
promotes
show examples
 local cultures
such
 as selling traditional clothes or merchandise.
As a result
, the money can be used
on preserving
Change preposition
to preserve
show examples
 their culture and enhance
tourists
Change noun form
tourists'
tourist's
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 awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their traditional dance.
For instance
, Pegringsingan village in Bali
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 collective funds from sellers to restore their cultural building for
dace
Correct your spelling
dance
show examples
 performance and exhibition facilities.
Furthermore
,
One
 type of
tourism
 called eco-
tourism
 is rising on trend because it helps to reduce environmental damage. The program consists of activities in
national
Add an article
the national
a national
show examples
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 and living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Eco-hotel with less waste can help to prevent bigger
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 degradation
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to conventional
tourism
. Kalimantan Eco-
tourism
 is
one
 of the
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 where seeing orang utan activity and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 on
boat
Add an article
the boat
a boat
show examples
 are part of their programs.
There
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
 programs
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only help tourists to donate
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the national park but
also
 increase awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. In conclusion,
tourism
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not always
giving
Verb problem
have
show examples
 on bad impact but
also
 it helps to preserve local culture and
environment
 through its
actitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Submitted by alyalihan28 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking phrases or words that connect ideas clearly.
task achievement
Although your ideas are relevant, make sure each idea is deeply developed with more explanations or examples to fully achieve the task's demands.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines what you will discuss, which helps the reader anticipate your main points.
task achievement
You provide real-world examples to support your claims, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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