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Band 4

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economics around the world.However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#tourism #industries #economics #world #damage #cultures #environment
Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that
one
 of
great
Correct article usage
the great
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 deal contributed to economics around the world is
tourism
 with the
rapid
Change the adjective
rapidly
show examples
 growing industries. On the
one
 hand, the
after effects
Correct your spelling
aftereffects
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on
Change preposition
of
show examples
tourism
such
 as local culture and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 damage
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 often ignored.
This
 essay
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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completely
disagree
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagrees
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 with
Add an article
the later
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later
Correct your spelling
latter
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 statement because it can help
local
Add an article
the local
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 community through
economic
Add an article
the economic
an economic
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transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
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 and eco-
tourism
 to restore the
environment
.
Tourism
 can help
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 development where the transaction that happens in the local community
to promote
Change the verb form
promotes
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 local cultures
such
 as selling traditional clothes or merchandise.
As a result
, the money can be used
on preserving
Change preposition
to preserve
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 their culture and enhance
tourists
Change noun form
tourists'
tourist's
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 awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their traditional dance.
For instance
, Pegringsingan village in Bali
use
Change the verb form
uses
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 collective funds from sellers to restore their cultural building for
dace
Correct your spelling
dance
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 performance and exhibition facilities.
Furthermore
,
One
 type of
tourism
 called eco-
tourism
 is rising on trend because it helps to reduce environmental damage. The program consists of activities in
national
Add an article
the national
a national
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park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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 and living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Eco-hotel with less waste can help to prevent bigger
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 degradation
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to conventional
tourism
. Kalimantan Eco-
tourism
 is
one
 of the
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 where seeing orang utan activity and
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 on
boat
Add an article
the boat
a boat
show examples
 are part of their programs.
There
Correct your spelling
These
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 programs
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only help tourists to donate
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the national park but
also
 increase awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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. In conclusion,
tourism
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not always
giving
Verb problem
have
show examples
 on bad impact but
also
 it helps to preserve local culture and
environment
 through its
actitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Submitted by alyalihan28 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking phrases or words that connect ideas clearly.
task achievement
Although your ideas are relevant, make sure each idea is deeply developed with more explanations or examples to fully achieve the task's demands.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines what you will discuss, which helps the reader anticipate your main points.
task achievement
You provide real-world examples to support your claims, which strengthens your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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