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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economics around the world.However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#tourism #industries #economics #world #damage #cultures #environment
Nowadays, many countries encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
 as it is
one
 of the most significant
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for growing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
economics
Correct your spelling
economies
show examples
,
while
 others believe that the negative of
tourism
 could be
out weigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 the benefits.
However
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and
proivde
Correct your spelling
provide
 my own opinion. On the
one
 hand,
tourism
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several advantages that could help the
country
.
firstly
, improve the
economics
Replace the word
economy
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will help the
country
 to grow up and be
one
 of the biggest
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 countries.
Secondly
, the
people
 around the world will
known
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 more about
this
 place and the culture of it.
For example
,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
 decade Turkey
improve
Wrong verb form
has improved
show examples
 its
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 using
tourism
. Turkey used its series to
shows
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 its beauty,
thus
inspired
Wrong verb form
inspiring
show examples
thousand
Correct your spelling
thousands
show examples
 of
people
 to visit it. Now, Turkey
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the most places
vicited
Correct your spelling
visited
 around the world and for sure it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
economics
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 to
rase
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the damage that tourists can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 in the countries they
visited
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 could be big and
also
 they can be rude
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the local
people
.
For instance
, in Paris, at the Olympic games time, many visitors came to
watched
Change the form of the verb
watch
show examples
 it.
However
, a lot of them
made
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 numerous
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the city or for local
people
.
Therefore
, I firmly agree with
this
 point, but
also
 we can work to solve
this
 problem, my suggest to
puished
Correct your spelling
punished
 those who made damages for any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, the
country
 should let him back to his
country
 and
also
 buy a fine. In conclusion,
tourism
 will always be
one
 of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to increase the
country
 on various things, if there is a problem the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should solve it.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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task achievement
Try to further develop your ideas and provide more specific examples. For instance, when discussing tourism's economic benefits, include statistics or studies if possible.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and spelling errors like "vicited" instead of "visited" or "puished" instead of "punished". Such mistakes can make your ideas less clear.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding transitional phrases and linking words to better connect your ideas. It helps improve the flow and clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've included both perspectives on the issue, which shows balance in your argument.
supported main points
You provide a relevant example of how tourism has benefitted Turkey economically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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