IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

More and more people are using computers and electronic devices to access information. Hence, printing of newspapers and magazines should be stopped. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #devices #access #information #newspapers #magazines
It is a topic of debate that with the emergence of
internet
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the internet
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 and other devices, we should stop using print media or they should be allowed to provide their services. In my opinion,
latter
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the latter
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 approach is more persuasive and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, those who are in support of promoting computers and E-devices assert that it is a good
way
 to protect trees from cutting. As a matter of fact,
majority
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the majority
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 of paper mills depend on tree bark to make paper rolls for newspapers and it causes
cutting
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the cutting
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 of a large number of trees.
Hence
, we should promote E-ways to broadcast the daily headlines.
On the other hand
, those who are in favour of newspapers and magazines assert that it is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 old and
a
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apply
show examples
reliable
way
 to reach the common
people
. In fact, a large section of
population
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the population
show examples
 still prefers to read print media, because it does not require them
learn
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to learn
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latest
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the latest
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 technologies and gadgets. To illustrate, in India about 53 per cent of
people
 consider daily news letters
are
Wrong verb form
to be
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most
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the most
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 convenient and reliable
way
 to know headlines.
Thus
, we should continue
this
age old
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age-old
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 practice for the sake of common
people
.
Moreover
,
internet
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the internet
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 and
devices
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the devices
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, which use it are still far from
reach
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the reach
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 of many
people
. Indeed, undoubtedly, in many metropolitans all over the globe wireless connectivity is good and it is improving day-by-day, but it is still far from
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the
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reach of many commeners living in remote areas.
For example
,
according to
 a survey, it will probably take around 20 more years to provide internet connectivity in each and every corner of the earth.
Therefore
, print media is still the best option available to spread news and important announcements.
To sum up
, it is right to say that computers are the future of mankind, but at the same time looking into the present scenario newspapers are
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a
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reliable, efficient and economical
way
 to reach out to
people
.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your main points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be more fluid to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and a conclusion, providing a strong framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessing information
  • Environmentally friendly
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Cost-effective
  • Convenience
  • Accessibility
  • Interactive
  • Dynamic
  • Multimedia content
  • Space-saving
  • Clutter
  • Digital divide
  • Visual appeal
  • Nostalgia
  • Tactile experience
  • Supporting local businesses
  • Reliable
  • Permanent
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