Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this case? is it a positive or negative development?

Some
children
use
smartphones for hours each day.
This
phenomenon stems from several reasons, and
while
these
appliances
can benefit
children
, I am of the opinion that their downturns outweigh their advantages.
Children
might
use
smartphones and other technological
appliances
both for academic and recreational purposes. Back in the day,
children
had to attend libraries to search for materials,
whereas
nowadays, they can type their questions right into the World Wide Web and get access to numerous articles and materials.
This
convenience offered by the internet has replaced the conventional methods of study, ultimately necessitating students to spend hours on mobile phones and laptops in order to prepare their papers and homework.
Moreover
, social media has been designed based on calculated algorithms, which can be altered based on one's interest. These patterns acknowledge one's priorities and provide relative materials for them. In other terms, they let individuals enjoy their preferred material and get the adrenaline rush in the easiest manner.
Consequently
,
children
choose surfing and playing on the mobile phone as their primary pastime because these
appliances
provide the thrill they seek straight away. Smartphones can hurt
children
both in terms of
over usage
Add a hyphen
over-usage
show examples
and social hazards. The captivating nature of these
appliances
urges
children
to spend countless hours in a sedentary position.
This
inadvertently prevents
children
from physical activities and triggers the potential risk of obesity.
Additionally
, the falsified belief of stretched communication through social media deceives
children
into using these platforms to find friends.
Firstly
,
this
phenomenon makes them susceptible to abusers. Young
children
might post pictures of themselves; by
this
practice, they give personal information to those who might
use
this
information to intrude on their devices and
use
their personal pictures and data for extortion or sexual abuse.
Secondly
, through a futile search on social media to find virtual friends,
children
lose the chance to interact with their peers and cement meaningful relationships. In conclusion, The alluring nature and convenience of mobile phones have captivated
children
;
however
, technological
appliances
are particularly dangerous for
children
,and their usage should be hindered.
Submitted by ghazalmoosavi79 on

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task achievement
Provide more examples or evidence to support the points made, particularly in the paragraph about the negative impacts of smartphone use.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. The second paragraph, for example, has multiple points that could be expanded separately.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task by discussing reasons for extensive smartphone use and evaluating whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and relevant to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically presents ideas and follows a coherent structure overall.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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